The emotional reaction to divorce is very similar to the reaction experienced after the death of a loved one - grief and pain. The usual way of life changes, the meaning of life is lost, fear of the future and a feeling of guilt for what happened appears. There are many models of recovery from grief. The 5 stages of grief are considered classic: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. You need to fully go through all stages of recovery from grief in order to recover from divorce. Emotions and feelings eventually change, so it's important that we give ourselves permission to experience those feelings without judging ourselves. I've added additional steps that most of my clients have experienced: Step 1: Rejection: “This can't happen to me!" Our initial shock and inability to accept reality is such that the earth floats away before our feet. Stage 2. Pain and Fear: When we begin to understand what is happening, we are crushed by pain and fear of separation from our husband. The world is collapsing around us, and we don’t understand what to do and how to continue to live. We are afraid of future loneliness, we worry whether anyone else will ever love us. Stage 3. Anger: “How could this happen? What have I done to deserve such pain? Our sadness turns to rage and all the accumulated emotions explode. We sometimes get scared by the amount of hatred sitting in us. From resentment and bitterness, we really feel intense hatred. Stage 4. Negotiations: We begin to think: “What if...?” Possible options for getting rid of pain and changing a terrible situation cause a surge of energy. We become creative and look for opportunities to restore relationships by any means possible. We promise to do only what our husband wants, to change - lose weight, change character, etc. We can begin to negotiate with God or the Universe, promising to do anything if God or the Universe restores your relationship and returns your husband to the family. We go to all possible fortune tellers and clairvoyants - they all promise the return of our husband and love to the grave. But all our actions were in vain. Nothing has changed. Stage 5. Depression, loneliness: After an increase in energy and emotional outburst, deeper disappointment and a strong energy decline sets in. A deep sense of loss, sadness and general weariness with the world is what we feel at this stage. We have difficulty getting up in the morning to go to work or do household chores. Classic signs of depression appear: lack of appetite, reluctance to see or communicate with anyone, tears, insomnia or, on the contrary, constant drowsiness. Stage 6. Journey inside ourselves: A strong desire to heal leads us to deep work on ourselves. We begin to separate facts from their interpretation. As if waking up after a long sleep, we begin to realize who we are and where we are, what is happening to us. We are trying to analyze our capabilities and understand where to move next. We are looking for ways to heal old emotional wounds, let go of the past and forgive everyone, reconnect with our self and find peace in our souls. Stage 7. Acceptance: This is the final step that allows us to move on, from divorce into a new happy life. Acceptance of what is, with an understanding of our responsibility for our lives, which leads to complete power over ourselves and determination of our direction in life. Dear women, don't let anyone tell you to buck up and give up, it is very important for you to go through all the stages of grief. And you will see that “the night is always dark before the dawn.” psychologist-sexologist Eleonora Razvina