From the author: “I don’t even know if you can help Me. I have SUCH a problem that no matter who I turn to, no one can help Me.” It is with this “greeting” that sometimes meetings with clients of our Center begin. “Are you now bragging, asking for help, or complaining about the powerlessness of psychologists?” - I ask most often with a friendly smile. “Well, it’s clear that I’m asking for help,” the “asker” answers with obvious “tension” in her voice. “Okay. What kind of help are you asking for now?” - I ask even more affably. We can say that from that moment our joint work began. Ours is joint. And it is not always easy and pleasant for the client himself, contrary to his expectations and ideas. After some time, the time comes for another question of mine: “Are you really ready to part with this problem forever?” And, I assure you, the answer is the client does not always sound convincing even to himself. Of course, some problems have a conscious or, more often than not, unconscious secondary benefit for its owner. For some, THIS problem once again emphasizes the uniqueness and originality of his personality, for some, the presence of SUCH a problem fills the emotional emptiness of life, for others, THIS problem is an excellent reason for talking about it with taxi drivers, hairdressers, and colleagues. And the position of the “victim” is not so painful in the company of regretful friends. Is a person with SUCH a problem ready to just give up on it? What will remain then? And the success of its solution depends on whether the psychologist, together with the client, knows EXACTLY what will take the place of this problem after it is solved. This means that, in addition to eliminating the problem, a certain amount of time is also necessary for the client to get used to the position of “A Person Without a Problem.” Practicing psychologists know that many of the difficulties that clients come with can be solved in one or two sessions. But the sessions go one after another, but there are no results. Why? Is it because sometimes consultations turn into a “tug of war” for the right to own SUCH a problem?! Is SUCH a client ready to take and “lose” to a psychologist who imagines himself capable of solving in just a couple of hours her SUCH A COMPLEX difficulty, with which she has already turned to all her friends to no avail? There is one wonderful principle of counseling: “So what?!” And, really, so what if this problem has been around for decades? So what if no one could solve it before? So what if someone once said that THIS cannot be “cured”? If a person understands the cause of the problem, it is one third solved. When he begins to realize the path of solution, then it is already two-thirds solved. What makes up another third? That's right, the Path itself. After all, by and large, the problem is not that someone has a problem, but that he does not know how to solve it... or does not want to know/solve it. Do you agree?! And if a person who is objectively suffering from a problem does not want to let it go, then what does this mean?! Let us assume that all problems are roughly divided into two types: “solvable” and “unsolvable”. Among the “unsolvable” is only the own death of the owner of the problem. All the rest are solvable. Only they, in turn, are divided into two types: “those that a person is ready to solve” and “those that he is not yet ready to solve.” I hope that you agree with this as well. ________________________________________________________________________________ "By and large, the problem is not that someone has a problem, but that he does not know how to solve it" ________________________________________________________________________________ Of course, there are situations to work with which require a long time. Of course, it’s also hardly worth “passing” all the blame onto the client for the fact that he “holds” his problem without letting go. But it’s worth taking a closer look at what THIS problem means for the person who asked for help. Perhaps “this is his war”, perhaps “he will win it.