“You are very happy, then you will cry”, “It’s good now, but tomorrow it will be bad”, “It’s scary to rejoice, what if you cry later?”, “After joy, bad events happen”, “You can’t do it ahead of time” report good news - everything will collapse”... This is what we heard in childhood from those closest to us. And, of course, they absorbed it. Let’s figure it out. To begin with, it is important to take into account the cultural aspect of glorifying suffering in Russian culture. Let us remember Dostoevsky, Tolstoy, Saltykov-Shchedrin, Leskov and many other writers on whom not only our generation, but also our parents grew up. The cult of suffering as an indispensable attribute of the Russian soul. On the one hand, there is wonderful depth, but on the other, where can one find light in this “dark kingdom”? Joy is always very taboo. It is not customary to talk about your successes and successes. There are so many difficult stories around that it seems like it’s not even appropriate to rejoice. And, of course, magical thinking is added: they’ll croak, they’ll jinx it... you definitely need to use a talisman in the form of “knock on wood three times and spit over your left shoulder”... Why did your parents say that? In my practice with clients, I was able to find out that such comments were associated with anxiety, the desire to protect the child from disappointment and betrayal, from tears and sorrows... We carry this burden of history, culture, and fears of our parents within ourselves every day. It all looks like very cumbersome and constraining, isn’t it? What is happening to us today? The psyche is so structured that we cannot block any one emotion. If we forbid ourselves to feel joy, then this block is reflected in our entire emotional sphere, in our entire perception of life. We are not living life to the extent that we could. We don’t give ourselves the opportunity to feel the beautiful palette that life itself presents to us! What to do with these fears that have flourished in us since childhood? First, try to remember who exactly the words that sound in your head belong to. Who says inside you that you can’t rejoice, laugh, dance with happiness and jump with random luck? Try to ask yourself a few critical questions: Is the world so linear that joy and tears always (!) go together? Where is the evidence that it works this way? Can I remember examples from my life when joy was not followed by disappointment? Let's use our positive experiences as support. And secondly, try to find joy in our routine and everyday life. Because joy is not only an emotion, but also a skill. Anything can be a reason for joy. For example, the rustling of autumn leaves under your feet (do you notice this?), delicious tea (do you feel the taste when you are rushing about your daily business?), standing in the sun for five minutes (can you slow down?), hugs with your loved ones (can you do this informally? ), a crust of hot bread, like in childhood (remember how delicious it was? Mmmmm). Let's remember that what we look at is what is highlighted to us. Of course, it is very difficult to live your whole life with attitudes from childhood, from the environment, from history and culture, and then begin to change them. But I am convinced that if such a question is brewing within you, then this is already half the success. After all, sometimes a correctly formulated question is more important than the answer itself). I would like to finish with the words of Nietzsche: “Only his thoughts, and not external circumstances, make a person unhappy or happy. By controlling his thoughts, he controls his happiness.” Joy to all!