Abusers are needed, abusers are important. Why are they needed in society? How else do you think a person in a victim position can grow? There is a very cool phrase “the controlled is looking for someone who will control,” and not the other way around. If we take a person in a child’s position, we will see that his position is in such a way as to stand, not make a decision, look for someone to blame and generally be responsible for him. That is, the victim person seeks strength from the outside, and then he finds his controller/abuser to help him get out of this position. The victim person begins to suffer from the fact that the abuser ends up hitting the most painful point with his behavior. He can manipulate leaving in which the setting is triggered, when in the scenario of two there can only be two ways “either you are with me and you are good, or I leave you and you remain bad.” And the abuser leaves through coldness/ignorance/anger and accusations, the separation cannot look healthy, in it the victim person necessarily remains bad/worthless and therefore abandoned. Then the person is left with the thoughts “what did I do wrong, and can I fix something?” This torments and causes suffering, inside there is a feeling of “badness” with emptiness. Even if the victim person leaves on his own, he still experiences the same thing, because after the grand departure, painful loneliness will come, from an unformed identity, since the support of another complemented it. The victim has a deep, not always conscious belief that she is so bad that no one really needs her. And on the one hand, this is true, her parents did not need her as a child, and she felt this through the neglect of her desires and feelings. But, since she was a child, she could not make the connection that this was not because of her, but because of the parents themselves. The child cannot think that the parent may be bad; this is due to the fear of death. After all, a child is vitally dependent on his parents. And then the aggression turns on itself, “I’m bad.” And look how logical everything is, a victim with this attitude finds the abuser as a parent and feels dependent on him. All this is created in order to build strength next to the abuser and break out from under the pressure with the full awareness that “I am okay the way I am and I don’t need to improve and deserve love.” This is the task of every child, to separate, to devalue everything valuable that parents gave - the opportunity to feel this life. It is important to devalue in order to break away and begin to explore yourself and build your life without the one on whom you depend. That is why emotional dependence on a person is formed due to fear of one’s own future. And I’ll tell you one secret, in fact, there are no abusers and victims, both individual characters and rescuers. This is all the same person who seeks support in another and finds someone similar to himself in order to grow personally, to see himself in another and begin to work on himself. One of the fears people have before going to a psychologist is to hear a ban on further maintaining such a relationship, because the victim herself knows that the relationship needs to end if it is painful, the psychologist will say the same thing... But, I am always in favor of leaving it as it is to ripen. As soon as the strength within appears in the form of self-reliance and the skill of living through the pain of losing something valuable appears, a person can maturely survive a breakup without collapsing. You can sign up for a consultation through any messenger specified in the contact..