Arguments by contradiction are just so-so arguments, I tell you. But the whole sad thing is that they sit in our heads so tightly, as if there were nails driven in to the very top. But he doesn’t drink... and if he drinks, then he doesn’t cheat... and if he cheats, then he doesn’t hit... and if he hits , then it means he loves (we've come to terms with it!) From the outside it seems that such love is written with a pitchfork on the water, but inside the relationship the victim does not see all the absurdity. But he feels it. Believe me, there is always a beacon inside and a feeling that something is not right. The inner child is scared, he is in pain, he wants care and love. But broken programs and attitudes make it difficult to understand real, “healthy” love without manipulation, pressure, humiliation, violence. I have heard so much from clients in similar consultations, and in my own life, too, that the hair on your head will move. To the point that “it’s her own fault that she beat her up”...And then let’s sit down and cry together. Every aggressor is looking for a victim, but the victim is also looking for his persecutor. Unconsciously. The formula of love inside is distorted, and bullying is mistaken for intimacy. Yes, it hurts. Yes, she cries every evening. Perhaps he accuses him, nags him, demands to stop... but remains, or remains silent, endures, for the sake of money, for the sake of the children (so that there is a father), an apartment, or so as not to be left alone..."whatever, but the man is in the house"... and stays or works three jobs, supports children, husband, parents, and complains to his friends about what a wuss he is, how tired she is, that he does nothing and does nonsense, but comes home, cooks borscht, goes to bed with him... and remains. Living in this hell is the choice of the woman herself. She is not responsible for the man’s actions: beatings, drinking, laziness, aggression - these are his choices, and he is responsible for them. But a woman is responsible for herself and her feelings. And most often this is fear on the outside, and dislike for herself on the inside. A woman who loves herself will not allow herself to be hit, insulted, will not tolerate drunkenness, inaction and disrespect. She will not force it out, lecture or teach. Her appearance alone speaks volumes about this: this can’t happen to me, I love and value myself, I love you and receive love in return. This is unconditional. This is a sequential chain inside, where each link is in its place. Therefore, exchanging for conditions with a particle does NOT work. There is no love anywhere in them - neither in relationships, nor towards oneself, and other arguments look like a plantain at an open fracture. I wish you love, stable self-esteem and harmony ❤️