From the author: Emotional literacy, feelings, emotions, why children are so emotional and how to keep them - such topics are increasingly in the air. Increasingly, in the work of a child psychologist, the question is raised: why do children need feelings and what to do with them. And with them - with children and emotions. Behind every action of ours, adults or children, there is an emotion. As children, we are afraid of the monster under the bed, the invisible man from the movie and wait for the arrival of our parents, exhaling with relief. We get angry at adult restrictions and prohibitions, sometimes breaking them and suffering from pangs of conscience. We blame ourselves for our mother’s bad mood or our father’s silent reproach. We rejoice at a long-awaited gift, are surprised at the resourcefulness of our parents, or yearn for an unfulfilled wish. And when we overcome our fear for the first time, such delight comes to us that we want to repeat what has already happened again! How does it happen that a child’s bright emotional life becomes frighteningly incomprehensible and alarming for former children and their parents? “Doctor, help! He reacts inadequately to everything” - with these words one of my consultations began. I mentally tensed, who knows what to expect from a smiling boy. But over the course of conversations and sand games, mom’s words became clearer. One of the diagnostic games in my office is bowling. Bowling consists of figurines of white and black knights (chess pieces) and a children's toy in the form of a ball with bells inside. I agree with the children up to what score we play, and then - observations and analysis. The hero of my story tried his best. He got angry, swore, screamed, moaned, got upset and was a little happy. The angrier he became, the harder he hit the figures. And the less often I hit them. The ball flew past, from the side, bounced up from the floor, and a couple of times (it seems to me) it deliberately deviated from the trajectory of the hit. The result is my win. The boy’s reactions were truly surprising. Anger, sadness, interest, surprise, joy - all this was clearly present in the game and was actively manifested by the boy. But as soon as I named the feeling: “I’m sad when I lose, and I’m even angry that the ball went past,” like a boy... At that moment something happens to him. Facial wrinkles, raised eyebrows, wide open eyes, raised hands, clenched fists - everything disappears in an instant. His face hardens, his hands drop limply, his voice becomes even and sluggish: “No, I don’t have anything like that. I never get angry or upset. I'm just happy. Now I’m glad you won.” His joy makes my cheekbones ache. There is so much melancholy and despondency in the office that I don’t want to start the second round of the game at all. But we're playing again. And again - a complete denial of basic emotions. Moreover, the denial of emotions that just happened a second ago! How it happened that the boy’s feelings became incomprehensible, inaccessible and rejected by him in every possible way is a separate story. But why do children need emotions? I’ll try to figure it out. A little history. Before children were identified as a separate age group, it was believed that children were either blank slates, write what you want, or fully formed people from birth, a mini version of an adult. And as soon as the child mastered speech and stood firmly on his feet, he became equal to an adult with all that entails. The cornerstone of education was the child’s actions, their consequences, control and punishment. But the last decades of a relatively smooth and prosperous life (no global wars, relative prosperity and even an abundance of goods and products) have revealed a deep layer. It turned out that loving children means not only taking care of their physical well-being, but also taking into account the child’s and adult’s emotional state. Groups of “mothers” arose, calling for patience “for the sake of the child” and, in contrast to them, other groups that take into account the entire multifactorial nature of motherhood and parenthood and education. What are the differences? Both the former and the latter want to raise their children happy and successful. But if the former rely on obedience and demand unquestioning fulfillment of demands, then the latter rely on!