Behavior tactics for a wounded partner In situations where one of the partners finds out about betrayal, people can behave differently. Here are a few directions in which a wounded partner can go: 1- Attempts to return the relationship to normal life by adjusting to the cheating partner. “If I cooked better or was slimmer, he wouldn’t even look at the other one, I should pay more attention to him and then he will stop thinking about her.” What is the risk of this? Such partners drown out their own pain by developing a sense of guilt in themselves, taking responsibility for what happened. “It happened because of me.” Even if this makes it possible to return the cheating partner home for some time, then this gives little hope that that the betrayal will not happen again. In such a situation, there is a possibility that either the cheating partner will start cheating again with someone else, feeling permissive, or at some point the wounded partner will simply get tired of constantly adapting to his loved one and will want to end the relationship. Without determining the real reason for the betrayal, there is a risk that the situation will repeat itself again and again. 2- Attempts to persuade a lover or mistress to leave the family. Attempts to deal with a lover or mistress through threats, pressure on pity, or persuasion from the series: “We have such a good seed, don’t bother us to live,” in rare cases can bring good results. Yes, sometimes the one with whom the betrayal occurred does not even know that the person is not actually free. But you shouldn’t enter into negotiations if you understand that the person already had this information. It is quite possible that this will only amuse him, which may bring even more suffering to you. At the same time, no matter how painful it is to admit, the promise of fidelity was broken by the partner, and not by a third party. Without resolving the situation with your partner accordingly, there is a risk that the situation will repeat itself. 3- Pretend that nothing happened. Often this can be done by people who simply have nowhere to go; their dependence on their spouse is so strong that being without him becomes much worse than living next to him, knowing about other partners. In this case, there is a high risk that the self-esteem of the wounded partner and trust in people will become lower and lower, which in turn will greatly affect the quality of life.4- Spying on a partner in order to find out who is the lover or mistress, so that with the help of physical strength to deal with this person. Not the most legitimate thoughts may arise here. For example, the desire to somehow punish for the pain that you yourself had to experience. This can be fraught with serious consequences even in the legal field. Option for experiencing betrayal by a wounded partner Self-help What to do if this happens? Here I already wrote about how to help yourself when breaking up with a loved one and touched on what you definitely shouldn’t do. Some self-help rules can help in this case, for example, help from loved ones. Activities that brought you joy before can at least slightly reduce the pain. You shouldn’t immediately turn children against their parents. “Dad doesn’t love us, that’s why he went to another aunt” - this is not entirely true, your relationship is only your relationship, it is unlikely that it will be easier for a child to live knowing that his parent does not love him. No matter how difficult it may be, you should separate your own love relationships from your relationship with your child as parents. But how to help yourself? First, you need to give yourself time to come to your senses. You shouldn't do anything hasty. At the moment the betrayal is revealed, the desire often arises to take revenge, to make it more painful, to cause even greater harm. Often, wounded partners develop a plan for revenge, trying to figure out who is the one who got into the family. You definitely shouldn't do this, you'll only make things worse. In an excited state, you can do a lot of different things for which you will certainly have to answer later. It's normal to experience pain. But pain, like any other feeling, passes over time. This is important to remember. Not worth it.