From the author: published on the website Yulechka has always, as far as she can remember, been a very shy girl. As soon as she found herself in the center of attention, she was unexpectedly asked about something, she blushed, she wanted to fall through the ground, hide in the far corner, and never again meet with those who put her in this position. And there were more and more people putting me in an uncomfortable position, and this happened more and more often. The world is divided into 2 parts: ours and others. Many people around began to be perceived as enemies who only think about asking Yulechka an uncomfortable question. And almost every question began to become awkward because it was unexpected. She didn’t have time to think or find the “correct” answer, and this made her even more embarrassed. The world began to be perceived as evil. Time passed, but the shyness did not go away. Sometimes I wanted to run away from everyone, to hide. This condition made it difficult to live, caused constant worry and tension, and led to extreme anxiety. How much she deprived herself of: how many meetings she refused, so many trips she didn’t make, so much she didn’t do! I really wanted to get rid of this unpleasant state of stiffness and tightness! She began to look for a way out. The first thing that helped her was Professor Zimbardo’s book “Shyness.” The main idea that helped her then was that everyone who is shy contrasts himself with everyone else, believing that he is the only one who is not like that, and everyone else is normal. After this realization, a feeling of community appeared: it turns out that everyone, to one degree or another, experiences this state in different situations. The fence of separation collapsed, and it turned out that others were like that too. One day she met a woman even more insecure than she was. The woman was so tense and lost in conversation that for the first time she saw her shyness from the outside. It turned out that other people are not very pleased to communicate with such a person. She immediately remembered that she had always liked open, easy-going people. This was another motivation on the way to the goal - so that others would feel comfortable communicating with her. After a series of realizations, it became much easier to communicate with people. She became smiling and open, especially in a narrow circle. She began to notice the shyness of others and help them, support them in difficult times. Then there was psychological training, when she was put in a circle of strangers and given the task: to ask everyone to borrow some quality. So for the first time she looked at people from the perspective of their best qualities. It was an interesting experience and a new discovery: it turns out that she had previously looked for not the best sides in everyone. She unconsciously tried to find what was “wrong” in others in order to create her own team of people like her who were “not like that.” This community helped. She realized that a shy person always depends on the assessment of others and expects only an impartial assessment. And why? Because he treats people the same way. The new experience also gave me a new perspective: to learn to see other people always in a positive way. Her speech gradually changed: Tanka became Tatyana, Olka became Olechka. When you perceive people this way, shyness disappears. After all, if you yourself see the best in them, the thought that someone will think badly will not even occur to you. The most important gift was waiting for her ahead. And it was a discovery. She suddenly realized that her shyness was a kind of delusion of grandeur, when she decided that she was the most important in this world, and everyone only looked at her, thought and talked about her. In the first minutes of such insight, it became funny, fear and self-obsession went away. Her prickliness, forcing her to defend herself from the world, gradually turned into softness. A meeting with the Teacher (a wise man who answered all the questions that made her want to call him Teacher) gave her the most important recipe for shyness and dependence on the assessment of others: stop thinking about yourself, your loved one, shift the focus of attention from yourself to others, or something!