“Probably the majority of people now living come from families of slaves.” (Alfred Adler) It is often said that parents “gave life.” And when this is true, this is the most wonderful thing that can be given to a person - his life. It seems that everything is simple, what questions can there be: conceived, gave birth, raised, raised. And what about the details? Well, to conceive and give birth, there’s nothing tricky or complicated here, everything is provided by nature. For some it is easier, for others it is more difficult, but in general everything is the same for everyone. And then this same alien is born - your child. Here comes the first difficulty: is it yours? Children are people, and they don’t seem to belong to anyone; there has been no slavery in most parts of the world for a long time. However, many children, in my opinion, are in slavery. They belong to the parents. From this moment on, I want to start comparing the life that was given with the life that was given as a loan. If you give life, you are for the child, you have a gigantic reserve of love and humanism and you simply give it away without looking back, nor for what. You understand your child’s needs, satisfy them whenever possible, he has a place in your life, next to you, and there is also a special place in the world for him - his. And you understand this. That he is not you, you are not him (which is no less important), and you still have to find out what he is like and create the most nutritious conditions so that this flower grows in the soil it needs and is fertilized in the regime that suits it. Your child makes you happy because he is who he is. You are interested in getting to know him and learning from him. He may not agree with you - and that’s okay. If you give life on loan - a child is for you, you expect to receive some kind of joy and his love known to you in advance, love too, of course, how can you not love a little blood, especially when he’s like that as you wanted. When it’s not like that, it’s okay, let’s make it like that. It is not very clear to you what kind of needs the child has, but it is clear to you that he needs a regime, a schedule, a nursery, a kindergarten, a school, Dr. Spock, 3 hours of walks a day and education so that he does not spoil him (underline as necessary). He has a place in your life that he must know, a place in the world you will choose for him yourself, most likely you have already chosen - and there you will send him, one way or another. He is your continuation, he is responsible (!!!), he will need to meet your expectations and make your dreams come true. You believe that what he is and who he will become depends on you, and from the first day (well, from the first year, okay) you make him a man with a flag in his hands. He should also, of course, love, respect and care for you in forms that are suitable for you. If you ask yourself right now, is your life yours? Well, how did it work out? How much do you focus on yourself, your internal needs and desires, and how much on someone else’s? Do you often feel ashamed? How are you dealing with feelings of guilt? If your life is yours, it won’t be difficult for you, you live freely, you have a lot of strength, you don’t have to try all the time to be good, necessary, correct. You know your shortcomings and strengths. You know what you want, you can love, you are nurturing in relationships, you are likely often calm and sometimes even serene. You deserve love, and not its surrogate in the form of addiction. You stand firmly on your feet, you feel that the world is for you, life is for you and there is a lot of joy in it. People come and go, and it's unbearable for you. If life is not yours... It's difficult for you. You are anxious and need to run somewhere and prove something. You worry that you are not good enough for this world, you need to justify your existence, as well as your birth. You are ashamed and guilty, no matter what or what. You run from your shortcomings, shining your heels, trying not to notice them and hide them from others, you have a terrible secret about how bad you really are. You don’t know your strengths either, but for everyone you meet you are frantically looking for a part of yourself that he will like, otherwise failure. In relationships, you are always hungry, and your partners, as a rule, are the same; you don’t think you deserve others. You try very hard to give something, but not because.