From the author: And again about love... In family relationships. Falling in love forever, eternal love, enduring passion. Awareness of the mythical nature of these ideas turns into disappointment. New myths are taking their place: there is no love, it is fleeting, love dies, relationships are doomed, they continue out of habit. I have come to the conclusion that the myths that de-romanticize love are more harmful to relationships. The belief of both spouses that lost, quenched feelings can be revived becomes a good driver in family therapy. In order to help the couple believe that it is possible to return love (or sometimes form it from scratch), I tell them about the life cycle of feelings." Love from within,” as I call it, is born naturally for both (or one) for the first time. “From within” means to “your” gestalts. A person reacts to another, to something in him that is important, to something that is “in his taste.” Sometimes unexpectedly. This means that other gestalts that have not yet played played, something new became “tasty”. Love quietly lit up or love exploded. And such “primary love” lives for a while. Observations show that if the relationship never begins or does not move to a new stage (living together, the challenges of everyday life, life difficulties) - such primary love can turn out to be eternal. Most beautiful stories about eternal love have precisely the context of inseparability or incompatibility. Loving from a distance is much easier. Primary love, which originates within, essentially serves instinct; it is biological. That is why her experience can be so strong and vibrant. The energy of instinct does its job. Involved in reproductive and sexual needs (even if not explicitly, but this is always the case), primary love lives up to three years. This is the age of the couple's potential child. Whether he exists or not is not important. Instincts are blind. By gravity or under the influence of advanced factors, love begins to dissipate, fade, flow away. Sometimes the intensity of feelings simply decreases. And due to the fact that everything is not always fine in the family, there will be many reasons to be irritated with each other. Various factors plus a natural decrease in the feeling of love and as a result - the family is on the verge of collapse. Apathy in relationships, conflict, are considered as a good reason for divorce or seeking harmony on the side. And if you still take into account the patterns of development of feelings, and specifically - love. The primary wave is declining. But there is a chance that a second one will rise. Sometimes this happens without special work on the relationship. Like in the movies: they argued, then one goes to the hospital, comes out of a coma, and then they have reconciliation and love, a revaluation of values. Good ending. The main thing is that the price for such a spontaneous wave is not high. You can work on relationships, learn new ways that allow love to exist. Most often, spouses come to a meeting with a psychologist in a state of open conflict, or hidden - “smoldering dissatisfaction.” At the first stage of work, it is important to help “clear” the channel so that the new wave has somewhere to flow. Let's clear it together. From unspoken grievances (through the presentation of feelings), from emotional wounds (through understanding the partner’s pain), from anger and claims (through openness). Not just a man, not just a woman, not just me. To witness something that even they themselves as a couple had been running away from for a long time. And then it is important to see each other’s needs, their characteristics. As they say: “See the Other.” Relationships in which needs are met are attractive. The family system is regenerating well. The chances of a revival of feelings in a couple where tension has been relieved, needs are met and something has already been harmonized over the years of life together (for example, children) are high. If the restoration is difficult, it means there is still tension, or the needs still do not find a response .And in order for the second wave of feelings to rise and last, it is very important that there is contact in the couple. This is a very Gestalt concept. I won’t go into depth in this article..