From the author: 01/28/2010 Arguments of the Week I know that there are things that are clearly interpreted differently by men and women, and very much prevent them from understanding each other. They may be associated with the personal characteristics of specific people, but there are also universal ones for everyone. Today I want to talk about the latter. So, what is hidden under some women’s complaints and claims and how to respond to them correctly? And indeed, it was everyday life that killed many relationships, because some important events or global decisions, when there is an opportunity to support each other, show your interest in a partner, happen very rarely. But things are out of place, garbage not thrown away, annoying conversations with girlfriends on the phone or sitting over beer with friends - this is what happens constantly and day after day corrodes relationships, blurs the view of each other. And after a while it turns out that next to him is not that wonderful, witty and reliable man for whom feelings arose, but a “dumb”, inattentive “goblin” who comes to life only when communicating with friends about football (car, computer, etc. .) topics over a bottle of beer. And instead of a pretty, gentle and caring girl, a “hysterical” and annoying aunt appears, reacting positively only to the word “shop”. Although, in reality, this can be completely overcome. So: all the topics of women’s offended monologues can be reduced to four main complaints: “Why did you forget again (didn’t clean it up, didn’t go...).” There are many options, they all boil down to one thing: a woman does not like an indifferent attitude to what she does in the house. What irritates her most is not the actual actions of “doing - or not doing” something for the benefit of home comfort, but the inattention to her own achievements. Most women do not suffer from a pathological mania for cleanliness and order; they will calmly survive the lack of bread and the presence of an extra bag of garbage, if they do not feel guilty about what is happening. Because in a woman’s mind, she and her home are a single whole, and any disorder is a fact of her personal imperfection and inability. No matter who caused it, she feels guilty. It is necessary to constantly show a woman that her efforts are appreciated and that she is a wonderful housewife. You can act differently - make a list: who is obliged to do what around the house. It is not necessary that everything will be done perfectly after this, but the shared responsibility will give the woman the opportunity to feel less guilty. In the end, the thought that “I live with a klutz who cannot keep his promises” in this situation is much more positive than “I am a bad housewife and cannot organize an ideal home.” “You spend all your time with your buddies!” If you count all the time that spouses spend together, this statement is, of course, fundamentally unfair. But this is only if we consider it objectively, without taking into account that most of the time the spouses are not together, but nearby. But in reality, many spouses do not communicate as closely with each other as with their friends. And this claim usually has the following meaning: “You spent the whole evening with friends, and during these three or four hours, you communicated, had fun, you were attentive to them. But you didn’t deign me with this attention, because if you count the time of our communication during the week, you won’t get these hours.” To avoid trouble, follow a simple rule: an evening with friends is equal to an evening with each other. But just don't spend it at home. By the way, many women suffer from shopping addiction precisely because of lack of attention. "You are not listening to me!" It is a fact that a woman says almost three times more words per day than a man. This is her emotional and intellectual need. This is how she is physiologically designed. But these words must be said to someone! Therefore, one of the skills of conflict-free communication between spouses is to be able to make an interested person in the right way..