From the author: Based on materials from my individual and family consultations as a family psychologist, psychoanalyst on the topics of family conflicts, aggression and difficulties in managing one’s emotions when communicating with children, spouses, and relatives .From an overheard dialogue between a teenage daughter and mother regarding quarrels with her father: Daughter: “I like to play dog ​​with my dad. Such fitness! At the same time, I’m relieving the tension!” Mother: “Why do you fight so much that later you both suffer and have to calm you down?” Daughter: “Because we wanted love, affection and care...” If you still have a conscious desire to stop swearing and conflict with someone in a raised voice (screaming, splashing out emotions and losing control over them), then first of all, you need to take the following psychological postulate as an axiom: “Any behavior is motivated, if you -you do it, it means you have internal motivation for it. You need this for something, it has some meaning for you, even if it is not realized by you at the moment.” You can start from this and ask yourself the following questions and wait for answers from within: 1) What outrages me in the behavior of a loved one?2 ) What behavior of a loved one is desirable for me in this situation? 3) Does my loved one know about my expectations? Did I tell him about this? 4) What’s not to like about “swearing” with a loved one? What is lost or violated with this method of clarifying relationships? 5) What is gained, what happens positively after “swearing” for you, your relationship? 6) How would you like to react when interacting with your loved one? What behavior would you prefer instead of swearing? What words and actions are desirable for you? How can you “practice” this method? 7) What is the most difficult thing for you in this alternative way of responding to swearing? How can you help yourself?8) Where does this “abusive” way of reacting come from? How did he get a foothold? It is important to consider: In order for one way of behavior-response to go away (decreased), it is necessary for another more positive option to arise (increase in manifestations), which satisfies several of your needs at once. Then there's a chance! You just can’t “destroy”, “suppress”, “destroy” something... only if you develop a new, more attractive one! There may be obstacles and resistance to this new thing, coming from a script that goes back to childhood. Then the help of a professional psychologist or psychotherapist is desirable. It takes TIME and EFFORT to create this NEW behavior, so be patient with yourself and accept your mistakes and mistakes along the way to form your reactions. Remember yourself as a small child, because you did not immediately learn to hold a pen in your hand and draw all the letters; it was a long process of learning to write with mistakes, worries and intermediate achievements. This is not a quick process! Any new skill and behavior requires effort, support and belief in success, understanding the meaning and awareness of new benefits. Good luck on this path)) Based on the materials of my individual and family consultations as a family psychologist, psychoanalyst on the topics of family conflicts, aggression and difficulties in managing one’s emotions when communicating with children, spouses, and relatives. Source of the article here: Contact us! I am ready to offer my help as a family psychologist - a psychoanalyst who constantly works with couples experiencing a crisis in their relationship. I will always be happy to help you or your loved ones! Psychological assistance to families experiencing a crisis is one of the main areas of my professional activity as a practical family psychologist and psychoanalyst. Over 15 years of experience in family and couples counseling.