People often change under the influence of living conditions, other people, ill-wishers, well-wishers, environment, conversations, silence. In short, not a single person managed to leave this world without changes in his psyche and worldview. Yes, we are social beings. And no matter how much you want to be just yourself and no one else, you can’t do it. Because when we meet every new person, our views, even if they don’t change completely, are at least questioned. And these are already changes. For a long time I believed that so many terrible things were concentrated in me that if someone got to know me better, they would certainly not want to have anything to do with me. I’m quite lazy, I prefer to lie for the sake of the beauty of the drawing, I like to do nothing, I love companies, empty chatter and wealthy men. At first it was somehow not even clever from the realization of such a crappy set in myself. And I began to work on myself, to be like everyone else - positive. And you know, it worked out for me for a long time. But I began to notice the blandness of my life. I stopped wanting, I stopped feeling life and myself. My conversations became more and more like those of bores and elderly gurus. It was simply unbearable. I didn’t even allow myself to gossip. I sank more and more into the abyss of detachment from the world and the desire to hide from everyone. My condition was further aggravated by the constant desire to cry. And I realized that it was time to deal with myself once and for all. I started by remembering what I was like and what I was not. But I was quite tough and sometimes angry. Sarcastic and smart. Harsh and envious. Lazy and measured. But the most important thing that I forbade myself, and from which I suffered, was envy. I was no longer envious, or allowed myself to be envious. Moreover, I learned to define the object of my hidden envy as unnecessary, and its owner as a strange eccentric. And everything fell into place. Only something was crying inside. I remembered that as a child I envied a lot of things, and lied about a lot of things. I was jealous of almost everyone, and I lied about every occasion. And the most interesting thing is that I now have everything that I lied to in abundance. All!!!! I'm not lying)! Now I, too, at first glance, determine what I envy. And then I got an idea of ​​how to have something like that. Usually I manage to not only have the object of envy, but also get the same one, only with mother-of-pearl buttons. This really energizes me. makes me alive. This competitive spirit gives rise to many aspirations and desires in me. Otherwise, I simply exist. Recently, I realized that envy is inherent in all people who have living ambitions. And ambition is the engine. Actually, like envy. I can’t imagine next to me a man who has no ambitions. This is something very calm, which can be content with little and live in the conditions offered. Of course, this protects the psyche, but does not provide any opportunities. I can say frankly that only a woman’s courage and envy allows a man to fly higher than he himself planned. To be honest, I love it when people envy me. This is more than words for me: you’re great!!! I myself often talk about a great guy if I understand that this guy is not interesting to me. But I will never praise someone I envy until I myself achieve what I envy. This is honest!