In the third grade I got sick and ended up in the hospital. While I was there, my cat died at home. I think she came to us when I was about 6 years old. She didn’t live that long, but I managed to become attached to her. The cat came to me when I was sleeping, purred and hugged me with its paws. We played catch up with her. Naughty. I had a lot of emotions associated with this cat, a lot of love and affection. The hospital told me that the cat was no longer there. I cried, but no one tried to calm me down. The most they could do was ask them to stop crying. When I returned home, I hoped until the last moment that the cat was actually alive, that she would now come out to me and meow and rub herself. She didn’t come out. My parents didn’t discuss the topic of my cat’s death with me. They didn’t sympathize, weren’t upset or sad with me. I couldn’t cry about this either. No one seemed to care. It was as if nothing had happened. I felt very depressing feelings then. Of course, I can understand this only now. And then there is only a feeling of isolation and some kind of unreality of what is happening. After all, there was a cat! We all stroked her, we looked after her, took care of her. And now she’s gone and you can’t even remember her out loud. All that remains are my inner experiences and fragments of memory, how we play with her, have fun, run, sleep together. She is warm and very affectionate. When the time of unspoken mourning passed, I begged my parents to let me get a cat. I think this was allowed on my 11th birthday. My mother and I went to the bird market and bought a small cat. She lived a long and good life. But, being already an elderly lady, she fell ill with oncology. She died hard - her lungs failed and the cat was literally suffocating. Her parents put her to sleep. At that time, I had already lived separately for a long time. I was not there when the cat was diagnosed, nor when her condition worsened, nor when she was taken to the veterinary clinic for the last time. A strange and yet common thing for people experiencing loss, I felt a sense of guilt. It’s like I threw this cat at my parents! And while she was feeling bad, I was having fun and living my life somewhere. I also felt guilty about my previous cat, which I also seemed to have abandoned when I ended up in the hospital. There remained a ghostly hope that if I were close to my favorites, then perhaps I could somehow help them. To do something that my parents couldn't do. I didn't have pets for a long time. But I really wanted to! When I was able to seriously think about getting an animal, I considered the option of a black cat. I wanted to have a little panther at home. I wanted to HELP an ordinary mongrel cat. After looking through many advertisements where black cats were given away, I settled on a young tortoiseshell cat. I must say that my cat, who was diagnosed with cancer, was exactly tortoiseshell in color. And then Masya appeared in my house. The creature is capricious, but funny. After some time I got married. My husband got the cat as a dowry. It took them some time to get used to each other. The adaptation period was successful, the husband and cat built their relationship. Although at first the husband did not really understand what it meant to constantly have an animal in the house. But everything worked out for them. Everything would have been fine, but almost a year later I met another cat on my way. Also a turtle, very small, the eyes were still gray, i.e. She opened them recently. The tiny one was sitting next to the metro. I look and can’t believe my eyes - she’s as fair as the cat that died of cancer, there’s a pink spot on her nose, like that cat, so tender... Of course, I grabbed this miracle and rushed home, figuring out how to do it along the way. explain to my husband the appearance of a second animal in the apartment. The little cat turned out to be sick with all known cat diseases. She had to be treated for a long time. Feed and water from a spoon, because She herself could not eat from weakness. But when Mini drank from a saucer on her own for the first time, it was a real victory. After that things went smoothly…