In the first part of the material, I told you about the role of destructive motives for the birth of a child in the problems of conception and gestation, about their influence on the psychological well-being of the unborn child and the relationship between him and his parents, and introduced you to the first type of destructive motivation - the birth of a child for the sake of conforming to some external expectations. I bring to your attention the second motive of the destructive type: getting pregnant and giving birth in order to tie the right man to yourself and/or “strengthen” a falling apart marriage. This motive, by the way, is found not only among women, but also among men who believe that the birth of a child will keep their wife close, because she will “depend” on him. It happens that a woman deliberately tries to get pregnant in order to force a man to start a family with her. The result is a so-called “stimulated marriage,” that is, a marriage the stimulus for which was necessity, obligation, and not at all the mutual desire of a man and woman and their feelings. We are not considering here cases where there is reciprocity and feelings, and the birth of a child is their continuation, despite the fact that the marriage was not concluded or was already concluded while the baby was waiting (or even after its appearance). There may be an option in which a woman’s desire to give birth is associated with the fear that her husband will leave the family, and so she wants to bind him with responsibility. They say this is one of the most ancient women's tricks - to marry oneself or keep a child. Apparently, the problem of unfortunate children born from such motives can then be considered just as ancient. For here, as in the case of the motive of meeting external expectations, there is again no idea of ​​the value of the child in itself; again he is an instrument with which adults try to solve their problems. Which of us would be pleased to know that our parents gave birth to them not because they wanted and waited, but in order to achieve their goals? Strictly speaking, there is no need to “know” this - usually the child feels it very well almost “with his skin”. Getting used from the moment of birth to the fact that he is not important and valuable in himself, but must constantly justify his existence by bringing “benefit” to others. The third type of destructive motives can be conventionally called “selfish.” In this case, the birth of a child is planned as a means to “ensure oneself support in old age” (yeah, about the proverbial glass of water), either so as not to feel lonely in this world, or with the goal of “having There is at least one creature in the world who will love me.” This may be a motive associated with the expectation that the child will make up for some deficiency in the parent - fill life with meaning, give it purpose. If you think about it a little, you will see that essentially this is a motive in the spirit of “I will give birth to a child so that he will adopt me.” Because, in fact, here the unborn child is entrusted with a completely parental function - to unconditionally love, support, and care. This is a paradoxical role confusion. There is no need to specifically explain that such a motive shows the immaturity of maternal motivation. And children don't have children. On such a motive, a full-fledged maternal dominant may not be formed, which is responsible for the psychophysiological readiness of the female body for conception and gestation. And if pregnancy and childbirth take place, the born child is assigned the role of satisfying the whims and needs of the parent. This is a solid foundation for creating a symbiotic relationship, i.e. such relationships from which it will be very difficult for a mature child to separate, become independent and feel self-confidence and self-sufficiency. Very often, such children become “eternal” children who, until old age, cannot separate from their parents and create their own family, build their own full life. (to be continued) Your perinatal psychologist, Margarita Novitskaya