Victim in a relationship Very often in life, in our relationships, situations happen that we are not able to understand. Here is a typical story: A woman and a man meet. They like each other. Perhaps they even develop love and passion. It seems to them that this will last forever. Time is running. And one of the partners begins to feel obligated to the other. Let's imagine that this woman begins to be tormented by remorse. She wants to improve the relationship. He does for his loved one what he wants. It seems to her that he wants... What happens to the man at this time? He begins to make more demands on the woman. He is jealous of her. The man begins to control the woman. Forbid her a variety of things. Starting from smoking. Ending with meetings with friends. Or even talking in his presence. A woman wants to please her man. She tries her best not to upset him. Changes according to his requirements. To learn something that she doesn’t need or is interested in at all. She gets involved in a kind of chase. And this pursuit is obviously a losing one. Why? Because this is a pursuit of a man’s inner ideal. Think... HOW CAN a real, living woman correspond to an imaginary ideal? No way! But the questions are completely different. Why did the woman get involved in this chase, in this game? Why can't she get out of it? Why can’t she at least see that she is trapped? Because inside her, Her Majesty the Victim turns on... She takes over. And makes a woman humiliate herself. Makes her lose herself. Losing the most valuable thing that is inside. The victim puts blinders on the woman's eyes. And it seems to her that she cannot go anywhere. That she should humiliate herself. Must continue to endure. And a woman may even begin to think that God sent her all this suffering. And therefore she must endure. The key word inside is: “Must”... Her Majesty the Victim is very cunning. She wants to own it completely. And having succumbed to it once, we tend to repeat this life experience with all other men. What does this look like? The woman still finds the strength to part with her rapist. She meets another man. And he's wonderful. At the beginning...And then history repeats itself. Something strange is happening. And “white and fluffy” turns into “black and prickly.” Why does this happen? The answer is extremely simple. This man has always been like this. He was just hiding under the mask of an angel. And when he got tired of wearing it, he turned out to be a devil. On the other hand, the Victim inside the woman also made efforts for this. Sacrifice destroys relationships rather than strengthening them. This needs to be understood very well. And in order for the relationship not to collapse, you CANNOT allow the Victim into it. How to do this? It is important that you see HOW the Victim takes over. What is going on inside you? How do you start to think. What thoughts come to you? What images come to mind? And what sensations arise in the body. When the Victim takes over, you begin to feel sorry for the man. And you're not just sorry. No. You become completely immersed in his problem. You passionately want to help him. Inside, you may think that this is sympathy. That this is human. That doing so is right and good. The difficulty of understanding this situation is that...... that the line between sympathy and Victim is very thin. For you to sympathize and help means to act. It's like you have to DO something. Those. do something SPECIFIC. This is the dividing line. You do one thing. You get the feeling inside that this is not enough. You must also do this and this. The man begins (as it seems to you) to complain even more about life and fate. And during his complaints, you feel that you MUST help. And then you simply cannot stop... If you want to feel sorry for a man, then do it. But you don't need to do anything for him. He will feel humiliated. And in fact he will not forgive you for this. He will begin to take revenge. And his revenge will be expressed in the fact that he will begin to make more and more demands..