You can (seemingly) sincerely strive for a goal and even take something, but still remain in your original position. Run in place. It may be good for your health, but that’s not the point of the race. I want to change my job, find a partner, improve my health, but every time something gets in the way. And sometimes we “get in the way” of ourselves. The phenomenon of secondary gain is associated with unconscious resistance to solving a problem - as if you want to solve it, but then you will have to lose something, lose the status of “one who is struggling with the problem,” and take responsibility for the result . This may look like a “yes, but...” in response to suggestions to take necessary action. In its worst manifestations, this is expressed in withdrawal from illness - when I am sick, I cannot go towards my goal (or the illness itself may be needed to achieve some goal). For example, the goal “I want to open my own business” loses to the fear of responsibility , unpredictability and instability and forces you to refuse offers over and over again - after all, there is a quiet office with a small salary. And the goal “I want to lead a healthy lifestyle” leads not only to health, but also to the need to give up some “unhealthy” pleasures (and the loss of the right to laugh at those who follow the rules of a healthy lifestyle, and perhaps the loss of the former company that shared the now interests are irrelevant).To determine the reasons for slippage on the path to the desired goal, you can use this method. First, ask yourself the question: “What good will happen if this happens?” (the answer to this question, as a rule, is easy to give; it lies on the surface and is declared to others as a desired goal). The second question is more difficult: “What good will happen if this does NOT happen?” (let's be honest with ourselves). To assess the situation on a scale, let's look a little further: “What will be bad if this happens?” (we will evaluate the expected disadvantages of achieving the goal). “What will be bad if this does NOT happen?” (disadvantages of non-achievement). This kind of self-talk can lead to interesting thoughts and insights..