Seeing and recognizing your addictions is not an easy task. It is not always the case that a person who is dependent realizes what is actually happening to him. “We had such love that we could not breathe without each other. We are breaking up for the fourth time. It hurts a lot." "I've always worked hard. I like it so much, work is my relaxation. I don’t need a vacation - if you go, something will definitely happen.” “I’ve been on different diets since I was 14 years old. I gained and lost 15-20 kilograms.” Addiction Traditionally, the term “addicted” is used to designate a person dependent on psychoactive substances (PAS) - that is, substances that alter consciousness: alcohol, drugs, medicines. For the primary diagnosis of addictive behavior, the “addiction triad” is used: the inability to control use; withdrawal syndrome (abstinence) - poor health when it is impossible to use the object of addiction; narrowing of interests to what is associated with the object of addiction. The cause of addictive behavior is the impossibility of doing otherwise, otherwise a way to get rid of pain: rejection, inattention, lack of recognition. Inability to regulate one’s tension and the need for an external object that provides this regulation. In this sense, all addictions develop according to the same scenario, only the object of addiction changes: instead of PAS, the addict “uses” the emotions that he receives from interaction with another person ( emotional addiction), social networks, gambling and non-gambling, addiction to sports, diets, etc. - in general, an addict can make even completely socially approved activities an object of addiction. Formation of addiction A person who is addicted to alcohol or drugs became addicted much earlier than he took the first sip of alcohol or took the first dose of a drug. Long before this, he needed emotional intimacy, but did not receive it from his parents. In the early stages of life, the formation of a dependent type of behavior is associated with the inability to satisfy needs. If I doubt that my needs have a right to be, or that the world can satisfy them, then a dependent personality type is formed. There is another option, more rare - the formation of dependent behavior due to serious shock trauma. Sometimes both reasons can logically combine. Addiction Test Check the statements that correspond to your usual thoughts: I am not good enough to be loved. I have to try to be better. I never do anything well enough. If I don’t get approval in the end, there’s no point in starting. I ruin everything, no matter what I try. I can’t afford to make mistakes. No matter how hard I try, everything it will still turn out so-so. The most important thing is that others like what I do. What I want means nothing. If I say out loud what I want, he (s) will be disappointed in me. I'm no better than others. I'm thinking wrong. I am a master at disappointing people. So that people do not reject me, I need to show only my best sides. People are unreliable, you can only trust yourself. No one cares about anyone. I am always dumped. I am forced to live by rules that do not suit me. Only others can develop the rules by which I am forced to live. There is nothing personal - everything secret will be revealed. It is safe not to let people get too close. If you get too close, they do hurts. Others should not know about my feelings. I must pretend that everything is fine with me, otherwise no one will want to be with me. If you agree with more than 3 statements from this list, most likely you have an addictive tendency behavior. Try to think of those activities that you can do for more than 2 hours in a row, while ignoring physiological needs: forgetting to eat, drink water or go to the toilet. A closed cycle of developing addictive behavior. Due to the constant search for a way to get rid of the unpleasant sensations associated with the search for intimacy, the child,a teenager, and then an adult, goes through possible options for self-satisfaction: in the early stages it can be masturbation, then food, computer games, social networks, gambling, smoking, alcohol, drugs, promiscuous sex, relationships that destroy the personality. Each subsequent stage is accompanied by tolerance (addiction) to previously used doses. At the same time, anxiety grows: “Something is wrong with me,” and this anxiety is easiest to drown out with a new calming dose. As soon as the effect of the “substance” ends, the addict experiences shame, which is again drowned out by a new calming dose. Socially approved forms of addiction Often the addict settles on socially approved options for addiction: emotional dependence, workaholism, taking to a healthy lifestyle, experimenting with food, etc. In this case, “increasing the dose” is not so alarming - outwardly everything looks quite well, but in reality it turns into acts of auto-aggression: Relationships that could become a reliable support turn into driving each other to emotional and physical exhaustion. Favorite thing - in a series of anxious everyday life without rest. A healthy lifestyle means torturing the body with sports and restrictions. A normal relationship with food is a painful one, causing feelings of guilt and shame. We remember that the addict’s radar is constantly looking for approval? This is why, when choosing socially approved options for implementing dependent patterns, it is so difficult for a person to take the first step towards recovery: admitting his problem. A person dependent on socially approved objects does not recognize the problem until something extremely unpleasant happens: physical exhaustion or illness. And in this case, the addict is also looking for an opportunity to shift responsibility for his decisions to others: “It’s not me who allows myself to be treated like this, he’s the scoundrel.” “I have to work so hard. They can’t do it without me.” “Beauty requires sacrifice. If I eat like everyone else, I’ll be fat.” “At work they made me so angry that I came and took out the entire refrigerator.” Codependency is a family disease Codependency is one of the forms of emotional dependence, “dependence on the dependent.” And even more precisely - dependence on emotions, which only the object of dependence gives. It is believed that the formation of codependency patterns occurs between the ages of 0 and 1 year and is associated with a violation of attachment. Who, first of all, has a tendency to codependent type of behavior? Those who were kept in uncertainty. Children who lacked emotional contact. Children who grew up in families of addicts. Close relatives of addicts. People with close relationships with addicts. How does codependency manifest itself? Despite the fact that people with a developed codependent type of behavior absolutely are healthy, they demonstrate “sick behavior”: They commit actions that are destructive to their physical and mental health. The intensity and frequency of such actions indicate that “sick behavior” is progressing. Gradually, the behavior of the codependent becomes self-destructive. The codependent habitually acts out in the drama triangle the role of the Rescuer. Counterdependency - the rules of a single person It is believed that the formation of patterns of counterdependence occurs between the ages of 1 and 3 years and is associated with a violation of separation. Who, first of all, has a tendency to counterdependent type of behavior? Those who have been betrayed or devalued. Children who have been left alone or with strangers for long periods of time. Children who have been tightly controlled and overprotected. Children who have physically or emotionally lost one or both parents between the ages of 1 and 6. People who who were sexually abused or sexually assaulted as children. How does counterdependency manifest? Most often, counterdependence manifests itself in the form of avoidant behavior: They tend to avoid serious relationships, although they can often maintain multiple superficial contacts. They may choose partners who are not available for building relationships and retain feelings for them for many years. They can become isolated in space,dependent, in destructive or “empty” relationships. The counterdependent habitually plays the role of the Persecutor in the drama triangle. In this way, he protects himself from contact with other people. In general, becoming dependent on chemicals is an extreme manifestation of the counter-dependent pattern. “People are so unreliable and unpredictable that I choose what gives a clear and predictable result.” Stages of recovery Recognition of the problem. Without this point, it is impossible to start moving towards healing. Realize that before getting results you need to go a long way, which will require strength, energy, time, money. Perhaps some relationships will be lost, connections that support addictive behavior will be interrupted. Seek support. Recognize that going it alone has huge limitations and is fraught with breakdowns. Learn to trust those who can help and give support. In addition to personal therapy, use additional opportunities for self-support: books, support groups, webinars, etc. Control internal self-blaming dialogue. Reconsider your attitude towards yourself. Become your own best friend. Keep a diary, track stress and reasons for leaving addiction. Create a sufficient number of substitute relaxing rituals that can be used instead of care for addiction. Therapy of addictive behavior It is worth clarifying here that there is no complete deliverance from the tendency to addictive behavior. What can confidently be called the goals of therapy are stable remission - non-use of “substance”, self-regulation of affects - the formation of personal autonomy and constant self-reflection. That is, a fairly good result of therapy can be the building of an honest relationship with the therapist, where you can openly express your feelings and name them , receive support and practice self-exploration skills. It seems that such a relationship should be the default in any therapeutic alliance. But with addicts it's not so easy. Addiction is not only a problem, but also a psychological defense that has worked for many years. This is the difficulty faced when giving up addiction: there was an illusion that it would become good, but it did not become good. It became nothing at best. And this causes anger, resistance and subsequent manipulations, with the help of which the addict wants to accept his usual position: Victim or Persecutor. To do this, the addict needs to involve the therapist in the role of Rescuer. Since the need to take away the “substance” causes aggression, the idea arises that in order to take something away, it is necessary to offer something in return. The problem is that for some time, while the production of dopamine and serotonin is restored, the pleasures available to ordinary people will not bring joy to the addict. And then the endless offers of replacement turn into the typical game of “Yes, but...” for the victim. Medication support can help normalize the levels of dopamine and serotonin. But since addicts tend to change one addiction to another, there is a risk of becoming dependent on medications. Therefore, this option is carefully weighed and used only if there is a risk of depression. The second possible strategy could be an avoidance strategy. An addict can bring different topics, just so as not to work about addiction. In this case, the therapist should gently return the client to reality and connect the brought topic with the topic of addiction, withstanding the client’s possible resentment and aggression. Let’s summarize the therapist’s capabilities in working with an addicted client: Clearly paint the picture. Give the client the opportunity to see how the addiction will end. If you give a clear approach, then he will be less likely to use devaluation. Maintain abstinence from the object of dependence, physicality, highlight the healthy adult part, overcome resistance, set an example of taking responsibility for one’s behavior and its results.💥 Two summer groups “Step” start in July towards: from loneliness to contact" and "Losing excess: kilograms, relationships,