There is one bright and expressive word in our language with which you can protect your borders, take care of your condition, and act in accordance with your desires and needs. The word "no". However, there is a category of people for whom this blessed word with all its benefits is inaccessible. So-called “good people”. Who is this “good person”? People who try to be good often do not notice that under this (seemingly safe) desire lies an insidious trap and a direct path to an unhappy life. The main danger is that such a person's sense of "goodness" is based on receiving the approval and favor of other people. Stepping down such a slippery path, there is a high probability that when you encounter any dissatisfaction from other people, you will be painfully struck by the fact that you are still bad and causing someone’s disappointment. The habit of pleasing, trying to earn someone else’s approval and positive assessment is an extremely bad habit . The main goal with this behavior strategy is to please others, which means that the desires and needs of others become more important than my own. The interests of others are elevated to a cult. What then happens to your own interests? A person betrays himself, stops living his life, becomes secondary to himself, his desires, goals and aspirations end up at the end of the list and are realized only after everyone around him is satisfied. But there is another big problem. It is impossible to be good to everyone, even if you use all your abilities. All people want different things from you, sometimes even mutually exclusive ones. A small example: Vasya has a beloved wife and a beloved mother. Mom asks Vasya to help her in the garden, because she can’t cope on her own, her back hurts, her knees ache, meanwhile her wife wants to go to the store with Vasya, because the bags are heavy, she won’t be able to carry them herself. But Vasya is a good person, so what if he was tired at work and wanted to lie down for a day, how can he refuse? No way. If he chooses to help his mother, he will be a bad husband, and his wife will be a bad son. If he chooses himself and rest, he will be a generally terrible person! In such situations, quite often a psychosomatic symptom comes “to the aid” of a good person, which allows him to remain good and not refuse anyone - “I would like to help, but my head hurts so much that I can’t do anything!” I suggest you figure out what it’s all about can it be useful to be a good person and not refuse others?1. It’s very nice to feel valuable, irreplaceable, significant and needed. This is especially pleasant for people with low self-worth, whose attitude towards themselves mainly depends on external assessment.2. Feeling of illusory security. When I adapt to others, please, and things are pleasant for people, then the fear of being rejected subsides (after all, I am useful and needed!) and the likelihood of any confrontation or aggression in my direction decreases. A good person will not be offended! 3. People are generally comfortable with you being flexible, obsequious, accommodating, and serving their interests. Starting from parents and ending with the state. “You’re a good girl, do as your mother asks,” “bad and disobedient children are sent to an orphanage,” “what will people think of you!”, “you never know what you want, don’t be so selfish.” What can be done with this do? Remind ourselves that a happy and fulfilling life begins when we decide to live it for ourselves, and not for others. There will always be those who are dissatisfied and disappointed with us, no matter how hard we try. The main thing is that I am good for myself. And if I don’t suit someone, it means that we are simply not suitable for each other and we are not on the same path. Acting in accordance with your interests, desires and needs is not about selfishness, not about betraying others, not about arrogance. First of all, it is about choosing yourself, feeling your worth, self-respect and self-love. Give up the idea that other people are always worthy of more than you. It's okay to choose yourself and deny others. The word “no” is natural!