A life script or script is an unconscious life plan. The child writes the script of his life based on parental instructions. Parental instructions are everything that our parents scolded us for, praised us for, what grades they gave us, catchphrases and expressions that we learned from our teachers, and so on. Instructions can be verbal or pre-verbal. Based on these instructions, the child builds an opinion about himself and about the world, what he is and what the world is like, how he should behave in this world and how the world will behave towards him. This plan is called a life script. There are successful, unsuccessful and average scenarios. A successful person is one who sets goals for himself and achieves them without spending a lot of effort. The average person is guided by the principle “in order to deserve something, you must first work long and hard,” i.e. achieves success, but with effort, and the Loser does not set goals and achieves nothing at all. It happens that a successful scenario in your career is combined with an unsuccessful scenario in your personal life and vice versa. Having an unsuccessful scenario in at least one area reduces a person’s overall success. At first, this scenario is very well suited to the parental family and no special problems arise. But a grown-up child goes out into the big world with the same scenario, and here various difficulties appear. Most psychologists believe that the roots of human problems lie in childhood. But unlike many, in scenario analysis the child is not just a passive victim of parental instructions. He writes his own script. This opens up a lot of possibilities, because since the script was written by us when we were children, we can rewrite it in parts or as a whole, or completely refuse to follow the script and make autonomous decisions each time. Another important point is that the script is not realized. What is realized cannot be a script by definition. Scenarios are destroyed by their awareness - this is an important rule of scenario analysis. So, a simple question for a rough understanding of your script: “Imagine that a film was made about you and an actor exactly like you plays in it, and your life, and the scenery, and people, and routes. Then what is the name of this movie? What is its genre? It's a drama, a comedy, a film about animals, an action movie...What happens to the hero? What a final scene. How does the movie end? If you answer intuitively, you can glance at your script out of the corner of your eye. As a psychiatrist, I am constantly interested in how mental phenomena correlate with certain structures in the brain. And for life scripts we have this structure. These are recently discovered mirror neurons. Mirror neurons are special cells in the cerebral cortex that produce an electrical impulse not only when a person does something, such as moving their hand, but also when observing someone else moving their hand and when imagining moving their hand. Their existence explains the phenomenon of group coughing or yawning. These neurons help a person learn quickly. After all, when observing someone’s action, a person’s mirror neurons are excited, which prepare a circuit for the subsequent action. In the same way, a person understands feelings: when observing other people’s emotions, areas in the limbic system, which is responsible for the emotional background, are excited. In this way, a person gains the ability to empathize. There is even a separate Hutchinson cell, which is excited by the sight of someone else's pain and a person can literally experience the pain of another. In my opinion, a person comes into life with a set of mirror neurons, a set of possibilities and his first life experience and test of strength is building an emotional relationship with his own mother. It is clear that problems can arise on both sides. On the one hand, it happens that something is wrong with the child’s mirror connections. There is a "broken mirror" theory to explain the causes of autism. On the other hand, specific interactions with the mother may alsodisrupt this vulnerable system. And the mother may have her own psychological problems. As a rule, if a person has problems with the script, then he had an emotionally unstable mother as a child. It is possible that the child’s mirror systems are initially adjusted to a good maternal instinct. This seems natural and evolutionarily correct to me. Thus, basically, at first, these mirror neurons are only able to respond adequately to the correct maternal symbiotic emotions. Just reflect them. Everything that falls into the scheme of positive symbiotic interaction with the mother is perceived as satisfaction, and everything that does not fit is perceived as pain. The negative emotions of a real mother can harm the entire fragile system and fix incorrect motor and emotional reactions. Which will be fixed in the future. It is believed that for one permission a child receives about a hundred prohibitions. I would like to dwell on the specific atmosphere in which they are heard. The famous psychoanalyst Alice Miller calls this special stuffy environment poisonous pedagogy. In general, it is believed that negative prohibitions are given by a real parent from his offended Inner Child. If a real mother or father suffered psychological trauma in childhood, then they will unconsciously take revenge on their children through their spontaneous and not yet disfigured upbringing. Their unloved, well-mannered Inner Child simply cannot tolerate a natural and free being next to him. Their mirror neuron circuits respond in a specific way. This is how negative parenting stereotypes are passed on from generation to generation. So, the principles of poisonous pedagogy. Firstly, parents are the owners of the child, what is surprising about giving birth “for themselves” or so that “there is someone to bring a glass of water to in old age.” The life and destiny of a child is devalued, he becomes an appendage to someone, lives someone else’s life. This is very harmful. Only the parent knows what is good and what is bad. Another option: “Mom is always right.” Parents are always above suspicion, another principle. Parents should be respected simply because they are parents, children cannot be respected and listened to because they are children. If the parents are angry, then the child is to blame. And not the eccentric nature of mommy. Tenderness and good self-esteem are harmful, but cruelty is a good preparation for life. The main principle is that the child poses a threat, he must be broken at the earliest possible age, while “he still doesn’t understand anything.” Not surprisingly, many will notice in them our usual, traditional upbringing. In fact, this is a harmful system that brings various traumas to the child and does not help the adult in any way. Now let’s look at the principles of positive parenting, which will help form the necessary neurocognitive connections in a child. The main thing is respect for the child’s personality and his feelings. You need to see the possibilities of a future personality in a child. What is important is a continuous desire to recognize this personality that is increasingly manifesting itself before your eyes. You need to have a good understanding of the child’s feelings and experiences. It is necessary to understand its psychological characteristics in each period. Finally, you need to distinguish between the behavior of a real child and the often inappropriate reactions of your Inner Child to this behavior. As always, parents need to start by working with themselves. In fact, a short but very emotional way to free your Inner Child is to re-experience all childhood grievances. But not intellectually, speculatively, but emotionally, physically, from the position of that same offended child. I need to relive my childhood pain again. Burn to the ground and rise from the ashes. This is inaccessible to a child, but an adult can do it. It is possible that at this moment early pain is realized, which is essentially a mirror, parental one. It is correlated with the current personality, mapped as “not mine” and separated from the personality. Because, really, it's someone else's.