Dependent relationships were, are and will be, since so far babies are born to completely living mothers and the duet model of relationships is laid down from birth. The question is to what extent the child will be able to overcome this phase of codependency and gain, as an adult, the inner freedom to remain himself when someone else is nearby. A banal case is a woman who has been married since she was 19 years old. Two children. Starting from the second year of marriage, the husband is a “bastard”. Now she is 40. She is still married! Somewhere, about ten years ago, she began having adultery. Well, the lover also “could have behaved differently,” but it’s love, and it’s impossible to separate. She lives in the “unbreakable” hope that both husband and lover will eventually come to their senses and finally understand that “she is the best”! From time to time, both partners “feed” her with vague hints about her special role and importance in their lives. But, as a rule, they are dissatisfied with her here and there, and indignation at her “wrong” behavior (in fact, just some of her desires) increases year by year. Thus, she cannot get off the treadmill: what if she will someday be able to satisfy them once and for all?! Moreover, in her inner space the idea of ​​“who is right and who is wrong” is constantly changing: now she is a husband, now she is a lover. In the same way, her role in relationships changes endlessly: either she is a victim, or (when she is offended and does not speak) she is a tyrant. And so the model of classic addictive behavior unfolds ad infinitum. Such an exhausting model of life, however, occurs not only in love couples, but also in friendly duets, with parents, children, and bosses. However, unfortunately, it does not occur to most people that the boring status quo can be changed, that it is possible to get out of the vicious circle. Even fewer come to therapy. But it is quite possible to make your life easier, and subsequently not pass on the “defective” model of behavior to your children. I would even dare to suggest that in this way, with slow steps, society as a whole would be able to reach a very real democracy, in which the level of responsibility for one’s own behavior and life should be quite high. And this is precisely what addicted people have trouble with. How to recognize whether you are addicted or not? Firstly, a dependent person, as I already said, cannot directly express some of his feelings and desires to his partner, since this can cause disapproval, anger and even outbursts of rage in the partner. And the state of conflict or some kind of “disagreement” is unbearable for the addict. In his mental reality, such things can cause acute anxiety; the fear of losing a relationship or being a “bad” person in it increases instantly and simply paralyzes the person. Accordingly, the addict experiences real restrictions in his behavior. In addition, the dependent person periodically experiences an obsessive need to act in a certain certain way, so that everything with the partner remains the same, “as always.” Even if, for example, a woman went to work, picked up her child from school, went shopping, and she really no longer has the strength to cook dinner, she, exhausted from fatigue, will still go to the stove, where an internal fear obsessively drives her, what if the husband will not get dinner, he will get angry and consider her a “bad” wife, woman, etc. And if the addict feels that “something is wrong”, that the partner somehow looked at him wrong, then the addict’s whole life practically goes to hell. Until the relationship stabilizes and the old “paradise” returns, the addict will be excluded from other relationships, work, entertainment, etc. Moreover, the second half in this couple clearly knows what the first half is hooked on. And if something goes wrong, he simply begins to “tyrannize” the dependent partner. That is, there are clear messages that the partner is categorically forbidden to do, feel, or desire something, otherwise the relationship will be in jeopardy. And then the dependent person cannot cope with his overwhelming.