From the author: The article was written for the magazine "Superwedding" 2008. (or how to survive with parents) When young people choose a partner for life, few people think about the fact that together with their loved one the choice of his family and relatives is made. This becomes obvious a little later, when you have to live not only with the one you love, but also with those whom, to put it mildly, you don’t know at all. There are many different jokes, satires on the theme of mother-in-law and mother-in-law. Perhaps many of us are in this way trying to soften the severity of feelings in this difficult topic and transfer it from the category of a problem to humor. It’s easier to deal with it this way, but seriously, almost a third of couples separate because it’s difficult to get along with the mom or dad of the loved one. The relationship of a young couple becomes especially complicated if she lives on her parents’ property. Then many changes are made to the usual way of life of an already established family, which entail a change of roles, restructuring of the lifestyle for the young and for their parents. In order for everything to fall into place, it takes time, patience and the ability to negotiate. But most often this is precisely what is missing. What is important to consider when building relationships with loved ones? 1. INEVITABILITY. Parents are not chosen. It is often difficult in relationships with your mom and dad, not to mention strangers. You can only accept parents, build relationships with them, but changing them is unrealistic. 2. VALUES AND BELIEFS. Conflicts between fathers and children, conflicts between generations are a natural process of evolution. And here it is very important to be aware of your beliefs and respect the values ​​of the older generation, because that is what we were raised on.3. BOUNDARIES. Chaos and conflicts occur more often where there is no division of territory and responsibility. Especially in our country, where several generations can live together, and adult children are often very dependent on their parents. A young couple needs to grow up and gain independence, form their own history and rituals, and not dissolve into the parental family.4. COMPETITION. A boy’s first love is his mother, interdependence can last a long time and then he is a “mama’s boy.” Growing up, the son moves away from his mother and gives his love to another woman, his chosen one. A very difficult period is coming for everyone, how to divide the object of love so that everyone has enough attention. For many mothers, the departure of their son is very difficult, especially if he is the only one, she feels unnecessary and lonely. He begins to look for flaws in his passion, instead of searching for new meanings and filling his life, already without him. A similar situation arises when a father leads his daughter to the altar and passes his darling to another young man. It may seem to him that this choice is unworthy of his daughter, that no one can care and love his daughter like he does. 5. MUTUAL SUPPORT. Each generation, person, situation has its own resources and shortcomings. There is no only good or bad. With age there is always experience and wisdom, knowledge and skills. In youth - enthusiasm, activity, strength. These opportunities can be shared, they unite different generations and provide a sense of community.6.COMMUNICATION. The more people live together, the more difficult it is to build contacts. Some family members lose their family roles, withdraw, isolate themselves, and stop interacting with others. Sometimes you start transmitting your messages and thoughts through someone else. In these cases, direct dialogue with each member of the extended family is necessary. It is no secret that sometimes everything turns out just fine; mothers-in-law, fathers-in-law and parents-in-law occupy an important position in the lives of young people and become truly close people, and sometimes replace their own relatives. Young spouses need wisdom and endurance to build their family and maintain warm relationships among themselves, with their loved ones, with their partner’s parents. You can become a truly adult only by understanding that ideal parents and relationships do not exist in the world. [/url]