From the author: Postmodern society or the secret secrets of sauerkraut. I am my own psychotherapist. I can handle this myself. Does a person really need a psychotherapist? Why do I need a psychotherapist? I have friends! And who really needs a psychotherapist and why? A person can really cope with his difficulties and experience grief, resentment, sadness, cope with losses and disappointment. You just need a few conditions to cope with difficulties and experience difficult emotions on your own. Firstly, a sufficient amount of resources. What does it mean? That I am cheerful, full of energy, sleep well, do not overload, and regularly go on vacation. In short, a lot of physical strength. What about emotional powers? Over the past six months, I have not experienced almost any stressful situations (moving, changing jobs, changing working conditions, quarrels in the family, conflicts at work, paying off a loan, having a child, getting married, reducing income...). I have good experience in experiencing difficult situations, that is, I had close, warm relationships in my family, which taught me to open my heart to any feelings, including unpleasant and difficult ones. I can’t hold back my tears when I’m sad, hurt, or sad. I'm not afraid to love, trust and open up to people, although I'm not sure that they won't hurt me. I have no unexperienced childhood traumas that hinder my development. I feel big enough, mature and self-sufficient to cope with any grief and complexity; cry, be disappointed, but take advantage of the situation and, with a new baggage of wonderful experience, move on to a happy future. Secondly. In my environment there is at least one close person (although it would be better at least two or three just in case), with whom I can be completely open, trust all my secrets, experiences, I am not ashamed and not afraid to tell him about everything that happens to me. And this loved one can truly listen to me, support and accept me as I am. A person listens to me carefully, tells me words of encouragement, hugs me when I’m sad and believes in me. I am not afraid of being funny, stupid or not good enough in front of him, I am not ashamed to show him my weaknesses and my imperfections. A person does not move away from me when I am angry or cry. The whole problem is that our modern society is too sick to support a person in trouble, unable to share difficult, sorrowful experiences. In our society we often hear “get yourself together, pull yourself together, don’t let yourself go,” and these words sound when a person is in grief, when he is experiencing a loss. People, instead of getting closer in trouble, begin to lecture and criticize. They distance themselves and do not feel sad together, do not give space for the feelings of a loved one. All the feelings that occur within us have the right to be expressed. But society is too afraid of other people’s tears, it doesn’t know what to do with it, there is no such tradition, no rituals, no such skill. Why is society afraid? Because each individual person does not know how to deal with their feelings. A person who is not at peace with his own feelings will not be able to support another in grief. Society is fragmented, society is afraid to establish close relationships. In such a world, it is very, very difficult to find the necessary support from friends and relatives. Parents do not support their daughter, who is going through a difficult divorce from her husband, they blame, they are unhappy with the fact that she now lives in the same apartment with them, that they need to help with their grandchildren. They want to be “good parents”, so they start teaching as needed, blaming her for not being able to keep her husband, for being a bad wife, a bad mother. They are afraid of being “infected” by her “badness.” But in fact, you just need to be with her in trouble, to support her. And they don’t find the time and energy to just sit next to you and ask, “How are you in general?” How do you cope with all this? Other parents drag their children around countless clubs and sections and don’t think to ask, “How are you in general?” What are you interested in? What do you wantdo you want?”, they just want to be good, correct parents, they have already decided that their son should become an astronaut (doctor, lawyer, pianist - underline the correct one). Friends tell a woman who has lost her husband - it’s time for you to pull yourself together and don’t cry, you must be strong. But it's only been a couple of weeks. And about a person who lost a loved one a couple of weeks ago - “he’s holding up well, he’s not crying!” The spouses do not talk about the miscarriage that happened - “it hurts us to remember this, if I start talking, I’ll cry.” In today's society there is no culture of living with grief. There is no culture of living any feelings. And what remains for a person who has lost a loved one, be it death or divorce. The people who surround him do not cry with him, they say “get it together, you rag, be strong.” Not only do they not cry together, do not experience grief as our nature requires, but they also deprive a person of the space where he can be with his feelings and experiences. I encountered this when my father died. Knowing how to experience grief and that you need to talk about the loss with loved ones, cry, remember the bad and the good, I felt this need in myself - I wanted to cry, talk, remember, but my loved ones did not do this with me, each for their own reason . And what is it like for a person who does not know about the laws of nature, has no idea how many tears he is supposed to cry, how much time it takes to survive, to go through all the stages of grief. A person is in pain and needs someone nearby, but all they say around is to pull yourself together and don’t cry. Do you know the meaning of a wake? Why is this ritual needed...9, 40 days, a year. To give the person space to cry with loved ones, mourn the loss, and vent their pain of loss. Did you know that divorce is also death, the loss of a loved one? Divorce also leaves a person with the pain of loss and it takes time to return to life. And these are the people who should help. Who should help, give the necessary support, most importantly, at least simply empathize. Empathy is the ability to share his feelings with another, to give space for sadness, grief, and disappointment. Support with your presence, hug, say warm words, and sometimes just silently be there. This is what a therapist does. Gives that acceptance that is often impossible to obtain in our world of alienation and disunity. This is the first, often the most important. Accept everything that happens to the patient, all his feelings, fears, experiences. It turns out that our society today has itself created a great need for psychotherapists. Alienated, distrustful, scared, confused. Perhaps, after reading this text, you will answer the question “Why do I need a psychotherapist? We somehow lived without them!” Many people have lived and will live. And there are reasons for this. Expensive - yes. Because this work is hard and expensive. I’m ashamed to admit that I need help and show my weakness - yes. What will they think of me? After all, I can handle everything myself, I’m smart and strong. But, often this is the first step towards accepting your weakness and destroying the illusion of your omnipotence and omnipotence. We can't do everything and that's true. You can live even without food, but not for long. After all, people lived in concentration camps and in besieged Leningrad. With emotions, everything is not so fast and less noticeable to the inexperienced eye. After all, it seems like a person lives, but the fact that he is exhausted from suffering, without support and has no one to share with, no one knows. After all, “everyone lives like this”, “everything is fine with us, there are no problems”, “like everyone else”... Yes, that’s the point - everyone is like that. This has become the norm in our society. Is our society joyful and happy? Hardly. For the most part, suffering, washing itself with tears. Some drink beer, others drink vodka, others binge eat, go to work, and buy unnecessary things. When you run to the Internet, ask yourself - what am I running from now? What feelings do I not want to experience now? Why do I need a psychotherapist in a society where in an instant people have lost everything - money, hope, confidence in the future, and even in the present. IN