Continuing the previous article, let's talk about what happens if we suppress aggression, because it is “something destructive, bad, uncontrollable.” Firstly, aggression becomes something destructive rather then when it is suppressed and accumulates in us, and if it is immediately expressed or lived, then it can turn out to be quite harmless. Secondly, aggression is part of us, it is a natural reaction of the psyche that cannot be ignored, because one way or another it will make itself felt. Let's figure out what will happen if we try not to contact our “this thing that frightens us so much.” It’s no secret that direct aggression is often condemned by society, therefore, when we’re little, they explain to us that it’s not good to be angry, you can’t stomp loudly, and in general it’s better to be quieter . Such signals can be given to us directly or indirectly by parents, educators, strangers on the street, etc. Due to prohibitions on expressing anger, aggression is blocked. It becomes difficult for us to say “no”, “I don’t want”, “stop”, “I’m not happy with this”, etc. And instead of a direct response comes avoidance, postponement, evasion of the answer. And in the case when it becomes completely unbearable - outbursts of rage. If we suppress aggression in ourselves, then it may be uncomfortable for us to start or end a conversation, do something regarding another person, or express our opinion. Because of this, other people may seem authoritarian and suppressive. Suppressed aggression can result in apathy, when you don’t want to do anything, there is no strength, desires and goals. This state can drag on for a long time, and here it is important to understand where and when we suppressed our anger and decided that it was better and safer to ignore it rather than express it. It is more comfortable and safe to do this together with a psychologist. When we suppress negative emotions, we have problems entering into conflict and defending our boundaries. Adequate self-esteem also requires a share of aggression, without it it is difficult to evaluate ourselves positively. After all, if I consider myself cool / successful / good friend / lover / substitute my own and am not embarrassed to admit it, then I may find myself in a situation where I have to defend my point of view. Someone may try to challenge our attitude towards us, and here we will have to show a little aggression. By not allowing ourselves to express aggression, we KINDLY make those around us better, because they will not be uncomfortable or hurt by our emotions. But in fact, the way we end up behaving (evading, avoiding, smoothing out) provokes aggression in others in response. As a result, there will still be aggression between us, only it will be expressed through the other, and there will be little constructive in it. If in the process of interacting with someone, as a result of someone’s action or simply the current circumstances, you feel emotional discomfort, ask yourself: What what is happening to me now? What am I reacting to? What kind of feelings, emotions are these? Can others be hidden behind these emotions? Can I be angry about something, can something irritate me about this? For example, suppressed anger can often hide behind apathy, grief, anxiety, etc. Think, maybe this situation should actually make me angry, and not upset/alarm me? It will also be useful to reflect on the topic of my prohibitions on aggression. What prohibitions do I have? These prohibitions really they help me, I really need them?