When choosing a child to survive, we do not evaluate the consequences. This article contains generalized everyday stories, and therefore facts and events have been changed. If you see something similar to your story, then this is confirmation that your problems also occur in other people. Having given birth to a child, a woman becomes a mother, and before that she was only a wife. It is natural that a lot of worries arise. The baby is helpless and requires attention and time. This situation changes the usual way of life. It is not possible to live, work and relax as before. A woman who is a mother already belongs not only to herself, but also to the child, forming a dyad with him. With the birth of a child, previously received “emotional wounds” “come out” and become aggravated: fear, guilt, claims to to yourself; thoughts about yourself as a wrong mother; a feeling of helplessness; And if the expectations from the husband, the father of the child, are not met, then the tension increases. The woman feels in danger. How to save yourself if you cannot combine caring for the child with everyday current affairs (work), with the responsibilities of the wife? Exclude the child, as a hindrance to the usual rhythm of life, entrusting it to nannies, grandparents and returning to the life familiar before the birth of the child. Consequences: the child has fear of this world, a feeling of abandonment and unloving, distrust of parents, deviant behavior in adolescence; in a woman it depresses her feeling of guilt towards the child in the future, inability to feel and understand the child, lack of trusting and respectful relationships; Exclude the husband - the father of the child. - Me and the child, it’s easier. The child does not criticize me. There is no need to make excuses to him. The husband requires attention and care, he must be pleased. He has his own opinion on everything. In this position, a woman chooses a child as psychological protection from the stress she experiences. All methods are correct in order to survive. The woman remains with the child and a monetary subsidy from the child’s father for herself and the child. A start has been made, and then the woman is a mother, so that to consolidate his chosen position and justify himself in his own eyes, he devotes all his time to the child. - From an early age, I sent my child to gymnastics, or hockey, or dancing, or tennis, or to a music school, or a billiards section. The load was serious. Lots of classes you can't miss. “I couldn’t work, I only took care of the child,” the woman says. “I helped the child with everything so that he could succeed.” She did a lot of things for him. We had to make it from one training session (section) to another. We gave up school in order to have time for competitions, competitions, performances, concerts. - We played together, relaxed, skated, skied, went to the movies. I was a friend. Consequences: the child is already a teenager, and the need to belong to his age group prompted him to leave the house and go free. He is not accustomed to distinguish between useful and harmful actions that his friends incline him to. He doesn't know how to say no when it's dangerous. He is ready to be friends with anyone, as long as they take him into their company. He is ready to try sex, drugs, so that his new friends do not drive him away. the mother was a service staff for the child, continuing to merge with him in this capacity. Her opinion at this moment means nothing. She limits, but her peers allow her! The teenager realizes that sports, music, and clubs are not the whole of life. Walking with your mother at 16 years old is awkward. They didn't teach him how to make friends. Mom was the first to meet her peers, and then introduced him. The world is unfamiliar and scary. The first cuts on the hands, self-harm, refusal to leave the house. My mother fears for her future. She is dependent on her salary, which can stop at any time. And at the age of 18 this will definitely happen. “What will I do? I haven’t worked all these years, I’m scared to go to work,” she says. Everyone has the right to make mistakes. But the consequences of mistakes can be different, sometimes very expensive. This article is aimed at preventing such mistakes. And, if you have a similar situation, then the sooner you realize it, the shorter»