THE LIMITS OF OUR “I” ARE VIOLATED IN CHILDHOOD AND ACQUIRED BY THE ABILITY TO REFUSE. Today many people are interested in the topic of personal boundaries: this is evidenced by the popularity of trainings and consultations conducted by psychologists to help those who are looking for their boundaries and learning do not enter the territory of another. Of course, personal boundaries are a conditional concept, but nevertheless it allows us to outline the limits of a person’s “I”. It is thanks to them that we understand where “I” is and where “Not I” is, where are my rules and where are the rules of another. Experts Galina Gurak-Lapshinskaya, a consultant psychologist, and Lesya Rybakova, a psychotherapist, will talk about the rules at the border and their safety. First, you need to understand that every healthy person has his own psychological boundaries, which he builds within himself independently. In essence, they are their own set of prohibitions and rules about who and to what extent can be allowed into personal space and who cannot. Of course, personal boundaries are not marked by any visible checkpoints, but they are quite clearly translated and read. However, it also happens that a person does not feel his boundaries. In this case, those around them understand that they can go wherever they want and do whatever they want with the person. TYPES OF BORDERS. Boundaries can be hard, soft and flexible (adequate). Thus, a person with hard boundaries broadcasts a signal to the world: “don’t come, he’ll kill you,” with soft ones, “come in whoever wants, take what you want,” and a person with adequate ones knows how to vary the density of boundaries depending on the situation. In fact, the third option is an example of the healthiest attitude towards oneself and one’s personal territory. SIGNALS FOR PROTECTION Sometimes it is not possible to see problems in the border area right away, and some people find out about them already at the stage “the borders are bent to the limit, which means it’s time to start defending them with a fight." And the struggle for captured personal boundaries can be difficult, because those around you are already accustomed to the fact that they do not exist. They will be very surprised when you begin to present and defend your rights, and they will resist. This is why it is so important to know the symptoms of early forms. 1. The simplest thing is the inability to say “no” and prohibit the use of your things.2. Ignorance of your true desires and unconscious submission to the interests of friends/relatives or colleagues.3. Sensitivity to criticism: people with violated boundaries build them based on the opinions of others. Of course, when this opinion changes, a person feels that his world is collapsing.4. Lack of understanding of how much can and should be invested in a relationship. Typically, people with soft boundaries invest more than they receive and also continue to associate with those who treat them poorly.5. The ability to trust others more than yourself.6. Fear of showing your “I” and the ability to instantly adapt to the opinions of others.7. Inability to ask. A THING POINT. However, it is important to know that the main indicator of the danger of invasion is feelings and emotions. If any actions of yours/others make you feel bad or uncomfortable, even just a little, then your boundaries are suffering. If you don’t have this feeling, everything is fine. THE TRUTH IS WITHIN. The first step that needs to be taken when defending personal boundaries is to start talking about your desires and needs, moreover, from an adult position and seriously. If you are dealing with a stubborn person (usually a relative) who is so difficult to talk to that the conversation seems futile, be patient. Even if everything doesn’t work out with him the first time, remember: one relative is not the whole world, and your failure with him does not mean the failure of the “Locked Border” operation as a whole. LOOKING FOR THE ESSENCE. However, such prohibitive measures are half the battle: the main thing is to realize and set your boundaries within yourself. And these are questions of internal truth, which you should rely on in order to see your border territory. You need to deal with this truth by practicing mindfulness and answering the question: “How should I handle this situation?” When forming an answer, you need to listen to your feelings. The scheme is simple: at the moment when something happens, you need to determine what feelings it is.