Quite often, the client’s true addiction is disguised as another, substitute one. The client may sincerely believe that he has a problem with alcohol/drugs, but in fact he is emotionally dependent. Alcohol and drugs are on the surface, the tip of the iceberg, the top of the carrot. And in the depths - you still have to get there. Example: A young girl (N) came for a consultation. Beautiful, with a good background. Excellent education and work. Appropriate environment. N. was worried about her periodic addiction to drugs. She did not consider herself a drug addict, but assumed that “something might go wrong.” Moreover, at the time of treatment, N. had not used for 9 months, but was experiencing anxiety. I remember how I felt talking to her. Surrealism, and nothing more. Colleagues who work with addicts will understand me: most often, addicted clients seek help when their use is no longer controllable, when the time comes for major troubles and the cost of living in use becomes very high. I ask why you applied now? What's going on in your life? N. says that at present everything in life is good and calm. The man she's dating offers to move in together. As if nothing portends trouble. Quiet, calm life. I’m starting to find out about episodes of use. It turns out that drugs appear in N.’s life almost simultaneously with relationships. First a man appears, the relationship begins to develop. And then drugs appear and the relationship ends. I have already mentioned that N. is a beautiful, smart girl. She comes from a wealthy family and lives in abundance herself. The men who wanted relationships with her were people in her circle. Smart and ambitious. Their career and reputation are important to them. And a girl who uses drugs (even expensive ones) will not be able to become a part of their life. Men broke up with it, and after some time the use faded away. Drugs were chosen as a means to “serve” one’s true addiction, namely counter-dependency. N. was afraid of close relationships and avoided them. And she unknowingly chose a very effective drug strategy to stay free. And her current relationship developed and became “serious.” Her anxiety was connected with this; she was afraid of a breakdown. By breakdown in this situation I mean a break in the relationship.N. For a long time she did not agree with my hypothesis and said that drugs are separate, and men are separate. But later she began to admit that yes, she used it demonstratively. She could have left “traces of use” in a visible place. In general, the work is about emotional dependence (counter-dependence), and not about drug addiction. PS The details in the story have been greatly changed, the coincidences with real people are random!***Very important! If you notice something similar about your loved one in this story, do not engage in “diagnosis” and “treatment” yourself. There is a possibility that you will encounter a lot of aggression.