A newly born child is our everything... However, after the child turns one year old, the baby’s parents begin to understand more and more clearly that in front of them is not just a small creature in need of care, but a real person with his own needs and desires, which increasingly, for some reason, do not coincide with his mother’s and father’s. . For example, on a walk, he goes completely different from where his mother intends to go, walks into puddles, picks at the ground, and puts everything in his mouth. At home, he endlessly throws toys around, opens forbidden boxes with dangerous objects, does not want to eat the most delicious food in the world and does not want to go to bed on time. The child begins to demand that he be given what he wants, but is forbidden. All this is accompanied by the crying of the child and emotional breakdowns of the parents. Up to a certain point, parents can resolve conflict situations with the help of various tricks, deceptions, manipulations, and, ultimately, force. But then the child’s behavior becomes uncontrollable. And if parents can still decide what he gets and what he doesn’t, then they definitely cannot force the child to sleep or eat. Although I’m wrong here: there are also mothers who force a spoon with porridge into their child’s mouth... This is where the mother begins to think about which specialist she can turn to for help. She takes the child to a psychologist, and when asked what she wants to change, she replies that she needs the psychologist to work with her child in such a way that he begins to obey her unquestioningly. When I begin to clarify what it means to “obey,” then, translated from the mother’s language, the child must follow her commands, the meaning of which is to ensure that the child does not complicate her life with his actions: - stop (or walk faster); - sit stay still, don't fidget; - eat; - go to bed; - go play (or stop playing); - don't scream; - don't cry. In other words, the mother wants the child not to make any attempts at resistance in a situation of constant suppression and to behave quietly and peacefully. Here I clarify: - So, do you want your child to agree that you suppressed him? - No, you misunderstood me, I want him to listen to me! - What do you think is suppression? - Well , this is when a person is forced to do something that he does not want. Or they don’t let him do what he wants... - When you forbid a child to scream, what do you do? - Oh. But what should I do now? Let him do whatever he wants? Of course, there are things that a child should not do. These include everything that poses a threat to his health and life. But there are a lot of prohibitions that parents impose on their child’s actions based on considerations of their own convenience. The mother’s task is to distinguish her needs from the needs of the child and learn to negotiate with him, no matter how paradoxical it may look in the face of a one and a half year old baby. Then, in a situation of conflicting needs, they will come to a decision with which they both agree. For example, a walk with a child is coming to an end, and the mother wants to go home, but the baby wants to take another walk. Of course, you can just pick up the child and carry him home, despite his screams and tears. And you can ask why it is so important for him to stay. If the baby does not yet speak in sentences, the mother always knows how to find out about his desires by asking clarifying questions that have a “yes” or “no” answer. Next, you can ask how much time he still needs for this. My daughter, who is now one year and eight years old, points her fingers at this question. It's not more than five yet, but she always finishes her business before five minutes have passed. Together with Yulia Vasyukova