From the author: published on Let's talk about feelings, more precisely, about the feeling of envy. Surely you have encountered other people’s manifestations of unkind attitude, and you yourself have fallen into the power of this emotion. It is believed that envy is a negative feeling that destroys its bearer from within. But is this really the case? And what to do if they envy you, and you want to stop it?[/url]About the nature of envy First of all, you need to understand what you are dealing with. In general, many people have a very distorted idea of ​​envy: it seems to them that this “animal” comes only when everything is going well for others, and it is impossible to do without it. However, it is not. Envy is a feeling that arises, on the one hand, in a selfish person, and, on the other, in a person with low self-esteem and various inferiority complexes. When experiencing this state, you don’t want to develop yourself at all - it’s much better if the object of envy is humiliated or crushed. Envy is a complex and complex feeling. That is, in its experience there are certain stages that unfold over time. But since, as we grew up, we forgot how to listen to our inner voice and experience feelings in their entirety, we are not aware of all this. Where does the experience of envy begin? Feeling lost. It pierces a person at the moment when he sees that something is going better for someone else than for him. There may be accompanying thoughts about your own insignificance, about not being seen. After this comes the feeling of being touched to the quick. A person begins to doubt himself and his way of life. The thought that he is left alone, and other people seem to exist in another world, cannot leave him. All this manifests itself in the experience of loneliness, emptiness and one’s own insignificance. Naturally, this is followed by anger and insult. “Why on earth is this attitude towards me, and everything is so good with you?” – the envious person thinks and begins to analyze the situation. It seems to him that when he himself takes the place of the object of his envy, justice will be restored: he will be given the attention and honor he deserves. But for some reason he doesn’t get anything, and resentment sets in, against everyone at once, including himself. Aggression is transferred, as a result of which a person thinks that he is bad and wretched. Thus, as a result of envy, you lose yourself, your value. This is a feeling of being hurt and lost. By the way, envious people and those who are envied are attracted to each other like magnets. This is explained by the fact that most often they all have problems with self-esteem and their place in the world. There is a type of people who deliberately cause envy in others, because only this gives them a feeling of importance and fulfillment. Therefore, if you are envied, it is worth thinking: are you not provoking those around you to this feeling?[/url]Types of envy It has already become clear to you that envy is a complex feeling. However, the topic does not end there: among other things, there are different types of envy, which are actually different from each other. To what extremes can a person go? Blind Envy As the saying goes, “to know a person, you have to walk a mile in his shoes.” But many people forget about this and begin to envy others, only observing their success from the outside. Indeed, from the outside it may seem that everything comes easy to a person: career, family, and friendship. But if each of us could “get into the shoes of the other,” then the number of people wishing to change places would sharply decrease. Every person has his own problems, and one cannot judge them so simply - it is possible that for him they are a hundred times more difficult than the problems of the envious person. Very often in these cases, the life of another is idealized by the envious person and is simply a reflection of his own dreams. “Eyed” envy There are cases when a person envies consciously. As a rule, such envy is experienced not as black, but as dark gray - it is easier and more understandable, because anotherthere really is something you really want. However, even in this situation it is a negative feeling, since it can transform into very deep aggression towards oneself (after all, there is an understanding that the person has not done anything wrong, but just has what he has) and a feeling of guilt. Naturally, this condition also needs to be worked with. In everyday life, it is customary to divide envy into “white” and “black”. The latter manifests itself in the desire to harm the object of this feeling, and the former in the desire to improve oneself and one’s own life. Only in reality this boundary is so ephemeral that a person can easily move from one state to another. Unfortunately, pure “white” envy is quite rare, because it is difficult to remain in it - it is much easier to “fall” into aggression towards another. [/url]Causes of envy If you are envied, you usually don’t feel very good. After all, it only seems from afar that being in such a unique center of attention is great. In fact, envious people always, to one degree or another, draw energy from the one they envy. Therefore, it is very strange to want this. But in order to get rid of this, it is necessary to deal with the reasons that cause envy. There is an opinion that envy is a useful feeling that has been preserved as a result of evolution, the same as aggression or fear. It seems like it should push us to self-improvement. For example, someone who hunted worse will be more persistent and diligent next time. Or he will make better tools for himself. But in this case we are talking only about “white envy”, and “black” is not taken into account in any way. Envy is always based on comparing oneself with someone else. In general, the mechanism, of course, is not bad and should contribute to the development of a person, but when he “slides” into comparison too often, he becomes very sad, because there is always a person for whom something goes better. There is a desire to fit the whole world and all people with all their actions into a simple two-dimensional “better-worse” coordinate system. As a result, deep self-doubt arises. It is this that is another necessary aid for the emergence of feelings of envy. By the way, a person, as a rule, acquires the habit of excessive comparison in early childhood - his parents instill it in him. In general, the role of the father and especially the mother in the issue of envy is very great. If parents unconditionally love their child, accept him and praise him, then he has a feeling of inner peace. Their love, like a shadow, lives in the now adult heart. But if this is not the case, and parents constantly demand something from the child, comparing him with more successful children, then he gets used to feeling inferior and envying the latter. The environment often also does not contribute to making us feel good. People may feel sorry for you, for example, because you did not get married like all your peers. And even if you don’t consider yourself defective because of this, then after about a hundred repetitions of such an idea there is a risk of thinking: “Maybe there really is something wrong with me, and these girls are better than me?” This is partly because envy is like a plague. People who are sick with it tend to infect others, otherwise they will feel inferior. Distorted perception also affects the fact that people envy each other. After all, how do we see this world and our brothers in mind? Partially, fragmentarily, in individual situations. And even if we manage to observe a person for quite a long time, we will still never be able to find out what is going on inside him at one time or another. It is possible that the millionaire we envy comes home every evening and is sad because he cannot trust anyone. Or he goes to clubs all night long, pumping himself up with alcohol and drugs, in order not to feel his deep unhappiness. But we see only the outer shell, and it seems to us that there is something to envy here. [/url]What to do? The world is full!