Once, during a consultation, I heard from the mother of a 17-year-old son: “It would be better if he drank and smoked than this...Help, maybe he’s sick?” The formulation of the question was alarming. It turned out that the young man is very shy, he has no friends, no girlfriend, he rarely leaves the house, except to study and to go shopping at the urgent request of his mother. The young man grew up as a “very good boy” and there were never any special worries with him, Not that there were any problems. The boy was “a little detached,” he read a lot and played alone, never fought or misbehaved in kindergarten, his behavior at school was “exemplary” and his grades were “good.” Isn’t this a working mother’s dream? The mother was not worried that the child had little contact with his peers and missed skit parties and New Year’s lights in the classroom “due to headaches.” The mother became worried when she realized that the “good, obedient” boy had grown into a “recluse” who was still a recluse. less willing to meet “with the big world.” The world scares people like this young man. Most often, when faced with unfamiliar situations, they suddenly sweat, blush, their “throat tightens,” “their heart jumps out of their chest,” and the situation goes away. -under control. Expectation and fear that “everything will happen again” again and again lead to the fact that “it will all happen again!” We call everything described above “shyness,” and science describes it with the term “social phobia.” People experiencing social phobia, or fear of social activities, become nervous in the presence of other people, worry about the impression they make, and doubt that the impression of them may be a good one. Those suffering from social phobia expect that “others” will see something “bad” or wrong in their behavior or appearance. As a rule, these people try to become invisible so as not to become rejected. Data on the prevalence of social phobia differ among different authors from 2% to 16% of the population. But all the authors are unanimous in the opinion that this phenomenon is surmountable, but it is a difficult process that can take several months. It is good that you can successfully deal with the consequences, but is it possible to eliminate the cause of shyness. Where to look for the “root” of social phobia? Many researchers agree that the onset of shyness should be sought in childhood; it can be: - direct copying of the parents’ behavior by the child; - lack of development of the child’s social or communication skills; - hyper- or hypoprotection of the child. The central place in the child’s life is occupied by parents, they have enormous potential to influence its development. It is important to remember that it is possible to develop in a child not only reading or counting skills, but also to form vital qualities. such as: passivity or independence, suggestibility or criticality, or you can develop shyness. Adolescence requires special attention from parents and loved ones. Unfamiliar situations that force a teenager to do something for the first time cause strong psychological stress associated with fear of negative assessments from others, expanding the range of responsibilities, fear of communication, due to an increase in the number of contacts. In the process of repeated repetition of situations, the tension goes away, unless the teenager begins to avoid the circumstances that are disturbing him. It is extremely important for parents to realize their strength and not let the situation take its course, “they say, I was born this way,” it is necessary to remember that in any case, the responsibility for the children lies with parents. Dear parents, I would like to bring to your attention several “preventive” measures in the fight against shyness: 1. Activity and the desire for independence are the natural form of a child’s existence. Support his desire for independence, allow him to make mistakes and give him time to learn new skills (dressing, holding a spoon correctly, etc.). Even if the rhythm of your life is rapid, find time for this, it is worth it. The parental desire to control and manage the child, to demand his unconditional.