From the author: the article was published on the blog on 03/03/12 entitled “How to get rid of addiction in relationships?” Codependency (sometimes called addiction) in relationships is common. Who is a codependent? This person is completely absorbed in some object or person. If codependency is in a relationship, then the person tends to control every step, every breath, wanting to please the partner and be needed by him. To be needed is a codependent need. In this way of expressing himself, he creates unbearable conditions for being together and destroys relationships. Women often behave this way towards men, wanting to be the best for him, hoping that in this way they will be able to keep their partner. And they behave this way because they want to be treated with increased attention, to be valued and approved. Otherwise they don't feel like they exist. For clarity, I suggest you watch the video “Spice the Bride” on YouTube (Failed to load the video. If you are still interested, watch the video HERE) Everything is very exaggerated. But you must admit, this happens. And very often! This happens for some reasons that do not depend on the person himself. The most important of them is being raised in a family where the child received little attention. Where there was no place for unconditional love. Where a child was loved only for something: for good behavior, for obedience, and later for good grades. And he was forced to do something all the time to please his parents, teachers, and later his life partner. And since such a person has low self-esteem, it always seems to him that he is still not so good. It is difficult to lead a life together with a man or woman who is dependent on a relationship. It is very difficult for them to live. Such a person is focused on the external world, despite his internal experiences. A dependent person depends on the external assessments of the people around him. They often criticize themselves, but do not like it when others do it. They experience other people’s criticism painfully and get angry. Codependents are not able to provide themselves with effective self-support. They do not know how to accept compliments and praise. They consider themselves unworthy. It turns out to be some kind of paradox. On the one hand, they need all this, on the other hand, they cannot accept it. A codependent person is characterized by a lack of personal boundaries. Which also gives him a lot of trouble in life. He finds it difficult to distinguish where his desires and dreams are, and where others are. The inner world of a codependent is completely filled with the world of the one on whom he depends. The codependent is filled with what the other feels and why, what will be good or useful for the other, and not for himself. It’s as if he himself doesn’t exist. He cannot describe his sensations and feelings. Experts speak differently about codependency. Most people tend to think that this is a disease. And, of course, a natural question arises. Is it possible to get rid of addiction in a relationship? Of course you can. You just have to remember that this is a process. And any process takes time. The first thing you need to do is return to yourself. Realize that it is impossible to control everything. Work on improving your self-esteem on your own or with the help of a professional. Our self-esteem is laid by our parents, according to psychotherapist V.D. Moskalenko, under 6 years of age. And we can’t change anything in this regard. But we are able to influence the attitude towards our own self-esteem. This is encouraging and means that there is a way to get rid of dependent relationships. Sincerely with you, Rezeda Buyavchi.