From the author: published in the magazine "Otbasym" in June 2012. Life after death: how possible is this? Dealing with the death of a loved one is very difficult. Death comes suddenly, and the loss of a loved one fills us with endless grief and longing. The death of any person, and especially the death of a dear and beloved loved one, is always an unexpected event. Even when a seriously ill person dies, who had no chance to survive and whose death was warned by doctors, no matter how internally we prepare, death still becomes a shock for everyone who has suffered such a loss. After the departure of a loved one, there comes the realization that this person will never be in your life again. There is a feeling of pain and melancholy from a heavy loss. Plunging into grief, a person ceases to perceive any information from the outside and falls into a state of stupor. The only thing he can think about is how to survive the death of a loved one? It seems incredible - he’s gone, but I’m still alive! How to cope with loss? If a loved one dies, how to move on? The assertion that time heals is little consolation. It is conventionally believed that six months or a year is the period when a person, going through different stages of grief, recovers. But, for example, the death of children remains a spiritual wound forever, such a loss is irreplaceable. The sayings “Time heals,” “This too shall pass” do not work in this case. Time only dulls the pain, but it remains. And yet, to survive grief means being able to go a long way in accepting the loss and restoring a normal emotional and physical state. But that comes later... and at first... it seems that the world has collapsed and the sun will never rise in it. Even if there are relatives, friends and relatives around a person who has suffered an irreparable loss, everyone still goes through this path alone and copes with their grief on their own. Psychologists identify seven stages of grief through which people grieving for a loved one go. Moreover, these stages do not necessarily alternate in strict sequence - everything happens individually for each person. After the first stage of grief, it is possible to find yourself in the fourth stage, then go to the second stage, return to the first... It all depends on the specific person and his way of life. The first stage is denial: “This can’t be!” Fear speaks in a person: of what happened; before what happens next. At this stage, a person may look either numb, as if frozen in grief, or, conversely, fussy and active. It also happens that at the stage of denial a person ceases to adequately perceive the surrounding reality. We must remember that in such a state an impulsive desire may arise to follow the deceased into death. Therefore, it is advisable not to leave the suffering person alone. If he cries, let him cry, do not speed up the funeral process, do not take the grief-stricken person away from the coffin. Tears at a funeral help to heal from stress and signify the beginning of finding yourself. Ritual care is more needed by the living than by the dead, because it takes them out of the “frozen” state. Rituals become like a transitional step to life without a deceased loved one. The second stage is a feeling of guilt: “Did I do everything to prevent this death?” Various moments of communication with the deceased arise in my memory, and the realization comes - I didn’t pay enough attention, I didn’t talk properly, I didn’t have time to do something... “If I had done this or that, this wouldn’t have happened!” A person is tormented by terrible regret, and often the feeling of guilt remains with a person even after he goes through all the stages of grief. You need to know that the feeling of guilt for the death of a loved one is universal and characteristic of all people in such a situation; without it it is impossible to survive grief. The third stage is anger: “Why did this happen?” Anger, rage, resentment, even envy of those who escaped such a fate - these feelings, as a rule, capture a person completely andprojected onto everything and everyone around him. No one will be good enough for him at this time and everyone, in his opinion, will do everything wrong. Such emotions are caused by the fact that everything that happens is perceived as a huge injustice. The strength of these emotions depends on the person’s personality and on how much he allows himself to splash them out. However, it is believed that the aggression stage is very important to allow yourself to react and move through. The fourth stage is depression: “I can’t take it anymore, I’m tired, I’m giving up.” Depression after the death of a loved one can be a difficult life experience that has a negative impact on all other aspects of life. Most often, depression overtakes those who kept their emotions inside themselves and tried not to show their feelings to others while going through the first three stages of grief. There is a depletion of energy and vitality, and the person loses hope that someday everything will return to normal. The grieving person experiences deep sadness, but at the same time does not want anyone to sympathize with him. He falls into a gloomy state in which he does not want to interact with other people. It happens that people decide to take the extreme step of dying themselves. Within 6-12 months after the death of a husband or wife, suicide among widows and widowers occurs 2 times more often than among people who have not experienced the death of a loved one. Men more often take their own lives, they also more often start drinking and acquire psychosomatic diseases - peptic ulcers, hypertension. By suppressing their feelings, they do not allow negative energy to escape, and as a result, they become even more unhappy and lifeless. What should you do to avoid pushing yourself to the limit? You can help yourself by realizing that all emotions need to be expressed, otherwise they will remain inside and begin to corrode. It is very important to understand that the loss will still have to be experienced: the fact has happened, we are powerless in the face of death. And one more thing: you need not to be alone - go to people, communicate; It may be worth seeking specialized help. The fifth stage is pain relief and acceptance of what happened. After enough time to move through the previous stages of grief, the person eventually reaches the stage of accepting the death of a loved one. He is ready to come to terms with what happened and take responsibility for his future life. Tears tend to decrease during this period. A person learns to live in a new world for himself - in a world in which there is no dear person. During this period, the grieving person remembers the deceased loved one as already alive, and not dead, and often talks about memorable moments in the life of a loved one. Memories are permeated with light sadness. The person feels that he has learned how to properly manage his grief. The sixth stage is rebirth. “I’m changing my life and starting all over again.” It is difficult to accept a world in which a loved one is no longer present, but it must be done. The memory cannot be turned off like a light bulb. But you need to think lightly about the one who left, talk about the merits and not remember the negative - this is also important. The person simply stopped being there, there is no way to touch him with your hand, talk about your problems, ask for advice. But mentally you can contact endlessly: and talk, and ask, and share your innermost thoughts. To ease the pain a little, it may be recommended to do something in memory of the deceased. Perhaps something he wanted to do on his own or with you. It's important to see it through to completion, and it needs to be meaningful and benefit other people. Once a person reaches the stage of acceptance, he begins to move into rebirth. At this time, he will need to spend a lot of time alone with himself and will become silent and uncommunicative. He needs this in order to listen to himself and try to get to know himself again. The recovery process may take several weeks, months or even several years. The seventh stage is creating your new life. When a person leaves.