You can often hear the following statements from people’s mouths: - He doesn’t listen to me - I let her go (to her friends, for a walk, to dance, etc.) - I don’t want you to go there - I want to know where you are and what you are doing. There are many varieties of such statements, and they all imply a desire to control another person. Moreover, such control can be found both in a couple between a man and a woman, and in parent-child relationships, and sometimes occurs in friendly relationships. Such control is characteristic of codependent relationships, when people in these relationships tend to “stick together” with each other and they feel unfree and, more often than not, are not satisfied with these relationships. Control in relationships can be exercised from above and below. For example, persecution, reproaches, insults, accusations, lectures, moralizing, intimidation, setting conditions, excessive care and guardianship are control exercised from above. In this case, one of the partners, by his behavior, seems to be saying: “I know better how to do it,” “I’m fine, but you’re not.” Examples of control exercised from below include sacrificing oneself or one’s hobbies, characteristics, desires to another or a relationship (such a sacrifice will certainly require payment), whining, threats of suicide, helplessness, illness, silence, etc. - any passive methods partner manipulation. Here is a list of the most common actions taken by codependent people in an attempt to dominate or control the behavior of their partners (J. and B. Weinhold): Choosing the wrong time. A scandal or some kind of “very important conversation”, which subsequently leads to a scandal, starts precisely when the partner is busy with some important matter, or is watching his favorite show, or is tired and wants to go to bed, or is about to go somewhere . In this case, the partner finds himself in a situation of difficult choice: he needs to either give up his affairs and needs and start sorting things out, or ignore attempts to sort things out and continue going about his business. In fact, it's a trap. No matter how the one who is faced with a choice behaves in this situation, he will be a loser, and the consequences in any case will be negative. Aggravation. This is a personal transition: “You always do this!”, or “You never...”. In this case, the original subject of the dispute fades into the background, and the partners (or one of the partners) moves into an accusatory position, trying to hurt the personality of the other. Such a conflict does not lead to results; the partners do not agree on anything in it, only causing negative emotions in each other and defending themselves from each other’s attacks. Here, instead of a constructive discussion of some controversial point, what comes to the fore is an attempt to control and influence the personal characteristics of one’s partner, as well as an attempt, through manipulation, to force the partner to do what is required (or not required - in order to then be able to blame it in “wrong actions”). Coercion. A huge number of other problems are added to the issue under discussion, old conflicts are remembered and connected with the present: “You are a fool, and your goat is a fool, and your husband is a fool, and you didn’t wash the dishes well last week, and now your tongue is still turning.” Should I tell you something?” Questions about reasons. The question is asked in an appropriate tone: “Why are you so late?”, “Don’t you want to explain yourself?” There is no real interest here in clarifying the reasons for this or that event. Here there is a desire to demonstrate one’s power and receive confirmation of its presence. Accusations. It's all someone else's fault. Be that as it may, one of the partners is right, and the other is wrong, and his disagreement causes anger and resentment. Attracting high status. One of the partners uses his higher status, education, and financial situation as arguments in the dispute, which often has no real relation to the issue under discussion, but “shuts his mouth”