I'm not a robot

CAPTCHA

Privacy - Terms

reCAPTCHA v4
Link



















Original text

The reason for this article was the words of the Buddha: Do not look for support in anything except in yourself!..And they are probably the shortest, most accurate, and the very first rule of therapy for work with dependencies. After all, the “dependent”, having not found support in himself and his feelings, begins to look for it in external objects. He either creates them, or remodels, improves existing ones, and then needs them and becomes attached to them. These objects can be living people and objects, and even imaginary meanings. We know that the inability to find support in oneself begins at an early age, when the process of physical and emotional separation begins against the background of an unformed strong emotional attachment, which provides a sense of primary trust and security. If there is such an attachment, then separation occurs without risk or fear, and we acquire the skills of an emotionally independent person. Otherwise, there is internal uncertainty, and then we look for support outside – in people, activities, substances, virtual values. This picture of the life of an “addict” somehow unexpectedly transformed in my mind into a picture of the life of our native civilization. She, too, at some point, not finding support in herself, in the “human factor,” began to look for it in the outside world. We began to look for support not in our soul, to look for God not there, but began to master and transform the world around us, seeing in this a great and true meaning. Our restless and inquisitive mind was able to reach the heavens and split the atom. We were able to “pump out” from the ground what had been accumulating there for millions of years. We were able to create meanings for ourselves that were not even imagined at the origin of life on earth. We can destroy millions of people for the sake of some dubious idea, and then admit that it was a mistake. We create for ourselves some dubious “objects of affection”, improve them, defend them, sacrifice our peace of mind for them, and sometimes our lives... And we call it PROGRESS! Here a reasonable question arises: So what? Do we really not need to do anything? And a reasonable answer arises: We must! But no need for extremes! And there is no need to look for support where there is none! Even a person who has reached spiritual heights experiences all the most ordinary feelings and desires, he also loves, also receives pleasure from pleasant food and beautiful music, and also needs comfort and convenience. But! He doesn't make God out of them! He does not become attached to these things, and calmly experiences their absence. He does not deprive himself of them, he uses them, but does not follow them. And he doesn’t make them the meaning of his life! He is free. This is called the “middle path” of the Buddha, free from extremes, free from attachments. Thus, a “dependent” person experiences his need for something/someone as the confidence that he CANNOT do without THIS. He feels bad without IT, and it will only go away when the right object appears. In the absence of THIS object, he cannot rely on himself, on his own resources. An independent person is completely self-sufficient. He knows how and in what way to satisfy his need. He understands his signals and makes HIS choice. And this is a choice not for something external and alien to a person, but for oneself, for what corresponds to one’s inner desires. Looking at our civilization, it is clear that it is not free from the fruits of progress, sometimes not quite as necessary as they are presented to us. After all, for our happiness we do not need so much food and so many clothes, so much real estate and so many cars. But we can’t even always look at this somehow “objectively”. Civilization has “self-hypnotized” itself and all of us about the necessity and value of these things. Having created progress, this new God, we pray to him in our own way, but we do not find the answer there. We have forgotten the principle: man is the measure of all things! And we increasingly encounter disappointment, emptiness, lack of internal support... And like a sick “addict” we resort to new doses: shopping, tours, yachts, power, wars, etc... What to do has no clear answer. After all, just like a separate organ