I will get married or not? A 35-year-old man turned out to be at the reception. His request sounded something like this - why are they doing this to me? Here is his story - The main character, let's call him Anton, met a girl at a very young age and, after a short acquaintance, married a girl named Olya. The girl was from a good family, one might say rich. It was a so-called arranged marriage. No, Anton liked the girl, but Anton also did not forget about career growth with the help of the girl’s family. A few years later, Olga left Anton, and he experienced a huge shock. At the same time, the woman accused her husband of constant nagging and even insults. Yes, I would like to outline the character of the main character - Anton needed everyone around him to adore and support him, to admire his successes. One can guess that this style of behavior is characteristic of egocentrics. Deep down, Anton was demanding and critical of himself. A little time passed after the divorce, and the young man fell in love and married a second time. This time Elena becomes his chosen one. Elena does not understand why a person like Anton could love her, since Elena feels stupid and useless. Anton begins to show the same complaints to his second wife as to his first - he becomes rude and shows contempt, but Elena does not leave him, but only snaps at him. It seems to her that she will never marry again. What was discovered during the therapy process. Why did this happen to Anton and his two wives? It turned out that Anton’s mother constantly criticized him and found fault with both her husband and her son. Anton decided to defend himself against such attacks by presenting himself as perfect. All the mother’s attacks were thus “removed” into the subconscious. Growing up, Anton positioned himself as perfection, while deep down he felt flawed. And in addition, Anton hated his mother, but repressed this knowledge into the subconscious so as not to attack her. As Anton grew older, that part of his personality that considered him flawed went deeper into the subconscious, but did not disappear, but began to manifest itself in relationships with women. A so-called transference occurred, in which Anton attributed his own content to his women. Considering that the first wife Olya had a positive self-esteem, she did not recognize this inadequacy in herself and left. For Elena, on the contrary, the negative content that her husband endowed with went well with her own subconscious attitude. And most importantly, Elena believed that Anton was right in insulting her. The relationship began to resemble a swing, then a period of calm, then a surge of mutual accusations. Conflictual relationships became the basis of their family. And it was precisely these conflicts that were a kind of family unity. Elena did not leave Anton because she accepted his subconsciously gloomy attitude towards herself and confirmed to herself that he was right. Only with long-term therapy did this married couple understand their feelings and how they influenced each other; scandals gave way to mutual understanding. During therapy, two processes emerged. Anton and his first wife went through the process of projection, and the second wife gave rise to the second process - projective identification. And only long-term therapy aimed at studying these processes and identifying the connecting components in relationships bore fruit and Anton’s family was saved.