From the author: Matybaeva Aigul Consulting psychologist. Member of the Interregional Association of Practitioner Psychologists. When a woman finds out that she will have a daughter, she is happy that there will be a continuation of her female line, that she will be a future house help, the first beauty who will realize everything that her mother could not, did not have time . And the mother is sure that she and her daughter are friends forever. But does this always happen? And what kind of pitfalls are hidden in the relationship between the female part of the family? The key concept in psychoanalysis about the Oedipus complex again resonates in the consideration of this issue. In his teachings, Uncle Freud said that by the age of 3-5, girls experience sexual attraction to a parent of the opposite sex (father) and a hostile attitude towards a parent of the same sex, mother. It turns out that the moment of conflict between mother and daughter arises from childhood, and at the same time the girl is absolutely defenseless in front of her mother, since she is completely dependent on her. But all this happens in the child on an unconscious level without evaluation - good or bad, possible or impossible. In turn, the mother may not be aware of this fact. We must understand that from childhood, the mother is the only source and role model for her daughter. But the stages of interaction change, the daughter experiences internal changes in her perception of herself, various identification processes. Different perceptions of the mother at the ages of 2, 5, 12, 17, and so on, can certainly leave their mark on these relationships. The attitude towards the mother can be contradictory - the daughter is proud of her mother, praises her and loves her. But at the same time, in her eyes, she can act as an offender, an encroachment on internal boundaries. Closerness and distance, resentment and an inexhaustible feeling of love, guilt and apathy, fatigue and hopelessness. In the relationship between mother and daughter, there is a wide range of feelings. But the mother also has her own internal processes: at the stage of the Oedipal phase, female jealousy may arise on the part of the mother towards the father of the child, very often unconscious. And this is also an important moment in the development and transformation of relationships. A mother's envy and rivalry towards her daughter can be very frustrating for the latter. Since the girl is faced with the difficulty of self-identification, she is waiting for confirmation of her beauty, but the mother’s unconscious processes, her envy only aggravate the child’s condition, hurt her, which subsequently creates a lot of intrapersonal conflicts, low self-esteem, difficulties in her personal life. The desire to separate and at the same time feeling the support of her mother is what the daughter is trying to combine and maintain. The mother's position may vary. There may be cold aloofness, indifference, or strong control, an encroachment on the daughter’s boundaries. The process of bringing mother and daughter closer and further apart could unfold like a dance, but more often there is a fierce struggle over similarities and differences, from which both sides suffer. And often many conflicts between mother and daughter are passed on from generation to generation. In these relationships there is no equality as such - neither the mother nor the daughter is aware of their unconscious hidden motives. They can only intuitively feel that something is not right. It just so happens that not all people are advanced in psychology, they do not know about all the age-related changes, the subtleties in the stages of relationship development, and so on. But problems in relationships do exist. What we see all the time in consultations, in requests in groups. When adult daughters continue to make claims to their mother, and the mother does not feel care and warmth from her daughter. It is up to the mother to give her daughter wings or cut them off, but with age, the daughter can solve her problems with her mother and accept her for who she is at the moment. From the position of my daughter, I can say that the solution to problems lies in the maturity of the parties, in elaboration of this issue, in accepting and tracking one’s feelings. The grown-up daughter perceives her mother differently. She can accept the situation with her mother.