As a practicing psychologist, women who are faced with male infidelity often turn to me. When we begin to figure out the situation, it turns out that wives themselves often contribute to their husband’s affairs. How does this happen? Let's start with motivation. Firstly, this is often done by women who have low self-esteem and reject some parts of their own personality due to false ideas about their uselessness or danger. Therefore, they often choose a woman as a role model or an object of hatred. In this case, these two seemingly opposite trends play the same role. And they are needed in order to PROJECT some of their qualities onto another person. Only in one case are these qualities idealized - desirable, and in the other - hated. Secondly, such women always have a SECONDARY benefit from such behavior of their husband. Starting from banal gifts received from a husband who feels guilty and ending with the pleasure of confirming the hypothesis inherited by mommy that “all men are bastards” Now how the mechanism itself works. Negative option (How I hate them all...) The wife unconsciously chooses some woman (a friend or her husband’s secretary) and begins to rave about her: they say, how beautiful she is, you’re probably staring at her, etc. And he begins to PROJECT some parts of himself onto her. This is usually done like this. The woman thinks: “Well, she’s younger and has a better figure and is smarter, etc.” All this is thought with envy, hatred and the investment of a lot of emotions, i.e. ENERGY. And energy, as we know, can turn rivers back, and not just send a man to a woman. Positive option (Let him see what wonderful friends I have...) If this concerns a beloved friend, then this is also thought about in the same way, and even with approval : “SHE IS THE MOST..., THE MOST.... ! And they begin to unconsciously instill this in their husband. And repetition, as we know, is the mother of learning. And also the basis for the formation of unconditioned reflexes (proven by Pavlov). And after a while the man begins to notice: “Indeed, she is so beautiful, smart and a good cook...”. He may not have paid attention to all this, but the power of suggestion is too great. Moreover, from the lips of a loved one. And he goes to THAT woman at the tip of his loving wife. The wife, of course, is at first happy that her husband appreciated her friend. He rejoices until he finds out that He sleeps with both of them, UNCONSCIOUSLY perceiving them as one woman. And the mistress often wins. After all, a wife in a state of anxiety PROJECTS THE BEST ONTO HER, AND RESERVES THE WORST for herself. And the man is torn, and then gets used to it and lives with both. Below is a dream of a woman who embarked on this dangerous path: “Lately I have been tormented by nightmares, mostly milky white in color. In one of them, I am leaving a girl (I am constantly jealous of her husband, although they don’t even know each other) (but we are already familiar with this symptom) and she follows me and follows me through some tunnel winding shops: everything is filled with boxes and gifts , food; I'm trying to get away from there, I go out into the street. It’s night there, snowing, I go home, but for some reason I end up with my mother in the library. My daughter is there, I want to pick her up, but then my mother appears and, in front of her daughter and this girl, loudly scolds me (I don’t remember why). The girl leaves, the daughter and mother disappear, and I fall asleep reading a book.... As you can see, the situation is well consistent with the mechanism described above. In this case, it is further complicated by conflictual relationships with the dreamer’s mother. It seems that the dreamer is still in a dyadic relationship with her mother. That is, psychologically she has not yet grown up and continues to live in fantasy with her mother, perceiving “adult” problems as an annoying obstacle from which she wants to escape into the “book” world. Write comments. And watch your thoughts and unconscious desires:)