From the author: Dedicated to a client named Anna. Life without a mask. author: Litvinova Oksana Nikolaevna. website: http://psylab.flybb.ru/ “It’s hard to find words when you really have something to say. And even if the right words come, you are ashamed to say them. All these words belong to past centuries. Our time has not yet found words to express its feelings. It can only be cheeky, everything else is artificial.” E.M. Remarque, Three Comrades It’s hard to talk about my feelings! I’m watching a film about the war, I’m watching how young soldiers, almost children, die! I feel like I have the strength to shout “no”! I want to cry and in these tears express the pain and suffering of women of my kind about the untimely departed men: fathers, brothers, sons, about those who died in battle or died in captivity from hunger or disease, who were repressed and shot, perished in camps, but I hold back. I was taught from childhood not to show my feelings, so as not to be weak, so that “the enemy does not pass through”! My throat contracts, not letting out a scream, my larynx tenses, a lump appears in my throat, my eyes glaze over, my face becomes stiff, then turns red or turns pale. Hello, Mask! The worst thing is that I can’t talk about my feelings to those people whom I value and love. The same sensations of a lump in the throat arise, breathing becomes difficult, the voice trembles treacherously, the cheeks turn red, internal tension grows. A loved one is waiting, he wants to hear about how I feel, but I cannot say and continue to remain silent. I'm starting to worry and get nervous. My heart is beating faster. I sweat. An unnatural smile appears on my face, or, on the contrary, indifference, so I try to hide my emotions, my fear. Hello, Mask! You came on time, I want to hide myself behind you! Let no one know what I really am. I'm afraid to be closer, afraid to trust. When I was born, I was without the Mask, I was myself! But then I often heard from my parents, you can’t trust everyone, you’ll be deceived! You can’t openly show your joy, people will envy you and hate you! You can't talk about love, you will be used! You can’t cry, they’ll understand that you’re weak and they’ll hit you harder! And there can’t be many more! It's finished! I don't believe you, World! I can only relax by being alone with myself, and then this happens less and less. I'm used to you Mask! Without you I feel naked. How scary it is to be yourself! Being sincere and natural is a luxury. Some people don't even understand what they feel, they are afraid of their feelings. So that there is no time left for feelings, they are busy with a lot of things and solving a huge number of problems! And if there are no or few problems, why do they create them? Such people find it difficult to express their true emotions. The masks replace their real personality. They want to say one thing, but say something completely different. Some stupid things distract them from an important conversation with a dear person. They are tormented by a feeling of guilt that they once betrayed themselves and continue to betray themselves! it hurts to realize this! And they don’t want to live in reality and experience this pain; they gradually plunge into the world of games and fantasies. The mask grows onto the skin. Is it possible to live life without masks or is this impossible in society? It’s definitely possible. True, there is a long distance from life with her to life without her. A person without a Mask does not need to know society’s opinion about him for self-affirmation, or rather for self-deception. He doesn't care what the ice cream saleswoman or the neighbors on the first floor think about him. He knows who he is and never tries to prove anything to anyone! However, the distance seems insurmountable only at first glance! You can go this distance with me. Will I help you understand who you really are? Which is your real face and which is the Mask? I will help you learn to trust yourself and the World. Sincerely, clinical psychologist Oksana Nikolaevna Litvinova. Skype: psylab-litvinova Tel. +7(916)1321143