From the author: especially for AiF In family squabbles, children often become hostages of the conflict or the subject of manipulation. This is quite natural from the point of view of the human psyche. Such a phenomenon as “transfer” is a very common phenomenon. A person experiences certain feelings towards someone, but cannot express it, then all the negativity and anger goes to someone else at a “convenient” opportunity. And in families it looks exactly like this: something remains unspoken, but tormenting the soul . One of the spouses carries it inside himself, wears it... until it boils. It boils, as a rule, on children. And this does not always happen because they are weaker. More often because they act very similarly, they resemble the offender, and in addition, they often provoke these very traumatic feelings (guilt, helplessness, resentment, jealousy). I work a lot with spouses, and I know of cases when women lash out at their children, transferring they are furious, directed at their husband. This happens quite often, much more often than many of us think about it. The so-called Medea complex is known - a mother causing harm to her children in order to take revenge on her husband. And except for extreme cases of direct murder, which are very rare, milder but no less murderous ones occur much more often. A few words about this. Elements of this complex can manifest themselves at times in any mother. For example, when a mother morally destroys a child, puts pressure on him, convincing him of inferiority, helplessness, clumsiness, stupidity, etc. Other options for “moral murder” are overprotection that destroys the will to live: the mother protects him in every possible way from dangers, prohibiting everything that only maybe. As a result, the child becomes helpless and incapable of an independent independent life - like a disabled person. Another option: instilling a guilt complex “in gratitude for existence” (“I sacrificed so much for you, dedicated my whole life to you, if not for you, my life would have been different otherwise...."). This happens especially often when a child is raised by a single mother. In such a situation, the woman blames the child not only for the fact that he exists at all, but also for the fact that he has a “not like that” father. One of the manifestations of the Medea complex is leaving children without proper care. Women abandoned by their husbands (left without attention and support) can demonstrate at least temporary and partial neglect of maternal responsibilities, transferring all negative feelings towards their husband onto their children. This also includes abortions when they are done out of revenge on the child’s father (“I don’t want to give birth he has children!”). In general, it must be said that most often such situations appear where the child was initially the subject of manipulation. For example, when pregnancy guaranteed marriage. Or an increase in living space. Similar situations also arise where there are misunderstandings in personal relationships between partners. So, in order to avoid getting into trouble, you need to pay attention to the following: Be honest with yourself. Understand yourself and your desires. If you want to get married, this does not mean that you automatically want a child. Be attentive to your loved ones. After all, affective manifestations do not appear suddenly and out of the blue. This is always the result of the accumulation of negativity and the internal struggle with it. Show your real feelings, understand who they really relate to. Be sincerely interested in and care about each other. Not just about children. Absolutely everyone needs care, support and acceptance, even bankers, presidents and oligarchs. How to express anger without harming anyone? Firstly, it is important to have such a skill in principle - from time to time ask yourself the question: “What is happening to me now? How am I feeling right now? Who does this apply to?” In general, as a rule, when anger begins to cloud the mind, apparently, we are talking about some kind of helplessness, which is very difficult to agree with and with which there is no obvious opportunity to fight. When anger reaches such proportions that there is no hope of restraint,.