“Exes” in a new life are evil, or... Situations often arise when, when creating a new family, one or both partners bring into it their unfinished relationships with ex-husbands, wives, boyfriends and girlfriends. This manifests itself in ongoing communication between former partners, which can be either open to the current partner or hidden or unpublicized. How does this circumstance affect the psychological atmosphere in a real family? Looking ahead, I’ll say right away: no matter what arguments and arguments are given in favor or even the necessity of such communication, such a connection always causes harm to your family, regardless of what you think about it. The fact is that whether we want it or not, there are laws of existence that we may not know about from the point of view of science, but which our ancestors knew about and strictly observed, since the payment for violation was and is illness and death of family members. Therefore, it doesn’t matter at all what quality of relationship you maintain with your former marriage partner or with your former lover. These could be regular “casual” meetings among mutual friends, help in a “difficult life situation,” the need to communicate because of common children, “business” relationships, “harmless” greetings on social networks, etc. It also doesn’t matter, you consider whether today you are this person as a sexual partner or not. Everything is determined only by the fact of the transfer of energy from family resources to him. According to this law of existence, the woman is the storehouse and source of energy in the family. She gives her energy to her man and children. A man can only take energy from women. Therefore, when a woman gives her energy to another man, sooner or later the second man will miss her, and he will begin to look for additional sources of replenishing his energy reserves. This may not necessarily be another woman on the side. The husband can receive energy from his mother. During consultations with a psychologist, for example, young women often complain that their husband devotes all his free time not to renovations in his own house, but to renovations at his mother’s. It follows that men form a relationship with another woman only when they lack the energy of their wife. He is simply forced to do this just to survive. On an intuitive level, many women understand this feature of men. Therefore, some women, when they feel unwilling or unable to give their energy to their husband, can give the green light to compensation and replenishment of energy reserves on the side. And others, like single women, are so full of energy that they need someone with whom they can share it. What psychological help can be provided to a family in which this energy imbalance has appeared? First of all, a woman can be helped to realize to what extent and in what proportion she gives energy to her family members? There is a hierarchy that must be respected. Your own needs should come first. The second is the husband’s needs. The third is the child's needs. Next comes the needs of the parents. And last but not least, friends and everyone else. A man also needs psychological support, since in this situation he is the least likely to understand what is happening. He feels that something clearly needs to change and is ready to take some steps to achieve this. But the paradox of the situation lies precisely in the fact that it is not in his hands that the control lever is in his hands, and he really does not understand why his wife has so many complaints about him, because he does everything she asks... I agree that in the described “mini- concept" has its pitfalls, and it will not answer all the questions that arise along the way. But, nevertheless, “love” her for who she is))). Together with Yulia Vasyukova