Today let's figure out where the legs of the desire to please everyone come from. Of course, this desire is not unreasonable. And most often this problem originates in childhood. And the reason for it is low self-esteem, which most likely your parents or other adults who were significant to you in childhood helped you earn. Reasons that influence the development of low self-esteem: adults’ devaluation of everything that You did. Everything was taken for granted; You were not praised, even if you achieved high results; You had to constantly prove that you were worthy of love; You were not given love for being just a child; You were often given an example of other children who were better You, whose achievements you need to strive for (the son of your mother’s friend, for example); You were given tasks that were impossible for you; You were scolded for every little thing and minor offense. This list can go on for a long time, but I think the essence is clear: Your actions were nothing - important and significant for the adults around you. Now let's look at how the desire to please everyone manifests itself: you have a wild need to please everyone; in order to win the sympathy of others, you are capable of taking actions that are absolutely contrary to your principles; you cannot express your opinion, you often follow orders other's. And, in principle, you do not have your own opinion on many issues, you often look at what others think and choose; you are sensitive to criticism from others; you cannot highlight your strengths; there are difficulties in praising yourself, you always need confirmation from others that you are doing well; you expect others to evaluate you for almost everything you do. Of course, this condition needs to be dealt with and worked on in order to: firstly, feel better; secondly, to be able to achieve your goals and fulfill YOUR desires. The most effective method of dealing with low self-esteem is, of course, working with a competent psychologist. Since it is a specialist who will be able to find out the main and accompanying causes of this problem and help overcome the obstacles encountered on the path of your becoming a confident person with adequate self-esteem. If for some reason you don’t have the opportunity to go to a psychologist now, then here are a few exercises from me that will help you start working on your self-esteem: praise yourself every day: make yourself a checklist for at least a month and find something every day If you have one reason to praise yourself, when you find it, put a tick on the checklist. Let me give you an example: “I’m so good that I washed the dishes today” or “I’m so good for going out for a walk today.” It seems like ordinary actions, but the main thing is that you performed them! Therefore, you are already doing great! Start keeping a diary of your achievements, it is advisable to fill it out every day, but do it at least once a week: concentrate all your attention on the positive aspects of your life: you went to training for the first time in six months - incredible job! We got up on time for work today - wow, wow! They took out the trash - great! Everything positive that you do should appear in this diary; begin to form your opinion on various issues. Take your time, as usual, to agree with the majority. Before you give an answer, stop for a moment and think, listen to your inner feelings, do you really want the same thing as others? If not, try to express your opinion. There is no need to immediately go against your superiors at work. Start with something simpler. For example: You went to a cafe with friends, everyone wants pizza and wine and offers to take them for everyone, but you feel like you want pasta and a milkshake, so tell your friends that you will order separately. Even if at first they are surprised and perhaps do not accept your answer, then soon (literally by the end of the evening), no one will remember about it, and you will finally follow your own desires, and not what others want. Which.