From the author: The article was published in the magazines “In the City” in Mytishchi and Korolev. You can read all the author’s articles on page: Dialogue with a client. - Help me, please! I have a very difficult situation at work. I'm just desperate, I don't know what to do. I have been working for this company for 8 years. I had a good relationship with management and the team. The director of the company suggested that I develop one very interesting and promising project. I worked on it for over a year. Lots of interesting ideas and plans. But recently I brought a friend of mine to our company. She came from another city and was looking for work. I told her about my project. She entered the company very actively and brightly. And the boss gave her my project! I was in such shock... I cherished this program, nurtured ideas. And all she had to do was come - and she got everything right away. I can guess how she got it, most likely through bed. Business-minded, young, confident - this is how they all achieve their careers. Doesn’t anyone see how all this is achieved?.... And the most offensive thing is that in the team she was able to make everyone fall in love with her. But she does everything just for the sake of her career. I know what she is like... - And what is she like? - She is actually pretending that she is so good, she needs a career, she is ready not only to jump into bed with her boss, but also to sleep with everyone, just to achieve her goal. When I talk to her, I always have a question: what goal is she pursuing, what benefit. After all, it’s all written all over her face. So correct and kind, but in reality... - What is it really? - In fact, corrupt, ready to achieve her goal at any cost. She's not real. How can others not see this? - What about the project? Is she developing him? - Yes, she was able to quickly give him life, and that’s why the bosses are crazy about her. It’s clear, she sleeps with everyone, so she has the green light....- What is your place in this project?- Can you imagine, I was offered to help her...- Well...- That’s what I’m talking about came to you. I'm interested in this project, but how will I work under it? The very thought of this drives me to despair. “Do you want to do the project itself?” - Of course, I devoted more than a year to him.. - What stopped you from giving him life, as your colleague did? - Well, I’m not like that... The woman told a lot of details about how her colleague was behaving incorrectly, and that no one except her sees this. With her story, she brought herself to tears and asked to help her open everyone’s eyes to the incorrectness of her opponent’s behavior. What’s inside is also outside. “What’s inside is also outside,” says the ancient wisdom, which is one of the basic laws of our life. If I want to find out who I really am, I need to look carefully at myself in the mirror, then around myself: at the place in which I live, then at those with whom I live, where and with whom I work, with whom I communicate - and it’s all ME. Many people categorically disagree with this: “No, it’s not me, it’s who they are. I’m good, but here they are...” We ourselves attract external conditions with our inner content. Somewhere inside people realize this and try to look very decent on the outside. Recently, a woman I know enthusiastically told me about what a great personal growth training she attended: “Can you imagine, we were taught that you need to communicate with every person, imagining that you love him very much!” “And I’m constantly learning to make it natural for me to treat everyone with love,” I answered her. “What’s the difference?” - you ask. The difference is that in the first case there is pretense, and in the second there is natural behavior, one of the internal qualities. Many live in illusions about their beloved self - decent, cultured, educated. With a Carneg smile, they go through life, completely forgetting about their inner world. People think that if they behave decently outwardly, then they are decent people. And then decent living conditions must also be attracted to them. You can be friendlysmile, but at the same time shrink inside from hatred for the person. And then the emanations from a person come not of a friendly smile, but of internal tension, which creates tense external living conditions around him. Liberation from illusions. Everything that we feel, live, experience inside in relation to people is ourselves. Neither people, nor the environment, nor situations have anything to do with it. But in order to know the real one and get to one’s true essence, crisis situations come to us. During a crisis, a person does not control himself, and all masks come off. He becomes real, natural. The girl who came in despair found herself in a crisis situation. And she met her beloved self. While talking with her, I learned that she can sell herself for her career, that she can sleep with her boss for the sake of her career, and this is not alien to her. That she is ready to get what she wants at any cost. Everything she said about her colleague, she said about herself, about her inner world. She talked about what she might have been so carefully hiding from herself. In fact, this company created very good conditions for everyone. It was necessary to develop a project that was important to everyone in the company. And a man came who realized it. And our heroine just has to enter this project with her ideas, which there is someone to implement. But ambitions and incorrect inner content prevented the woman from accepting these conditions, which were interesting for everyone. Her real essence and all the negative accumulations came out. If a woman has enough love to see it with different eyes, if she can understand the essence of this situation, look at herself and her colleague with a different look, then she will be able to move on to a new, higher stage of her life. And if she cannot, she will go down, blaming everyone around for her troubles. Everywhere there are people who purely formally belong to one or another society. They do not know how or do not want to take some new action. And when someone else appears who came and did it, they begin to quietly hate him. But not for what he did, but for the fact that they could not do it. The feeling of one’s own inferiority is projected onto another who, through his action, gave birth to these experiences in him. To admit this to yourself, and even more so to realize it, you need to be a fairly mature person. It is easier to shift all responsibility for these internal unpleasant experiences of oneself onto someone else. In order to raise themselves in their own eyes, to raise their own importance, they begin to criticize and look for the mistakes of the one who really does something, trying to lower him in their eyes. And, as a rule, by presenting oneself as a victim, drawing pity and sympathy for one’s condition from those around him, thus drawing them to one’s own level. In this situation, the employees of the entire company were very friendly towards the new employee. But only one person had such a reaction, only one person experiences such unpleasant states. And this story has absolutely nothing to do with the new employee, nor with her work colleagues or superiors. This story concerns only one person - a woman who came for a consultation. If a woman copes with this, she will be grateful to her colleague for the opportunity to free herself from unnecessary internal accumulations that prevent her from developing. By communicating with people, getting into certain situations, we get to know ourselves. If you are very worried about the situation, if you are outraged by someone’s behavior, think about why someone else’s behavior had such an effect on you? Why don't others experience this? What do you think about the person at this moment? What words do you call him? What conclusions and characteristics do you give him? Realize that everything you think and say about him is your inner world. This is the real you. Man is designed in such a way that he sees the world around him through the prism of himself. What to do in such cases? Look at the real you. See it. Realize. Live. Let go of it and start living differently - rebuilding.