Violence or, as it is also called, abuse is the awakening of a feeling of fear in another person, giving power over him. The purpose of abuse is to control the behavior, thoughts and feelings of another person. It is believed that violence is the result of negative development of relationships in a couple. However, this is not always the case. The tendency to violence is a personality trait, the result of upbringing and is only partially related to the behavior of the partner playing the role of the victim. In this article, I propose to consider the characteristics of abuse and some personality traits of men prone to violence. Various classifications of violence are given in the literature. However, all authors identify the following types: 1. Physical pushing, beating, strangulation, use of weapons2. Psychological ignorance, insult, slander, threat, jealousy, indoctrination, economic control, legal abuse3. Sexual sexual harassment forced sex rape. The dynamics of relationships in which violence is present are usually cyclical in nature. Let's consider this cycle using the example of physical violence in a couple of a man and a woman...1. EXPLOSION PHASE. A man experiences strong emotional stress associated with an internal conflict that he cannot overcome. He releases this tension by beating the woman. For a short time he feels relief - with activity he suppresses the feeling of fear and uncertainty.2. REGRET PHASE. The man is overcome by numbness - what have I done?! Self-control is restored. The man feels regret. He sees his partner’s injuries and sympathizes.3. REPENTANCE PHASE. Here men behave differently: some ask for forgiveness, make promises that this will never happen again, other men, without saying anything, give the woman flowers, gifts, others simply fall silent and withdraw into themselves. 4. HONEY WEEK PHASE. This is followed by a new love and a period of relationship harmony. The couple is overcome by a feeling of extraordinary mutual understanding and wonderful hopes.5. ACCUMULATION PHASE. A man behaves friendly in order to maintain a good climate in the relationship. At the same time, he is visited by exculpatory considerations - “What I did was bad, but she, in the end, did not behave in the best way. She knows well that it’s not worth playing with me like that.’ These reflections free the man from feelings of guilt.6. INDECISION PHASE. Gradually, tension and aggressiveness build up as the actual conflict remains unresolved. Now it's only a matter of time before old wounds make themselves felt.7. (1)NEW EXPLOSION PHASE. One “wrong” word, one objection, one “wrong” movement is enough for a man to start assaulting him again. The cycle begins all over again. It should be remembered that as a violent relationship develops• acts of violence become more and more cruel,• phases of regret and falling in love become shorter,• phases of increasing tension and its release through assault increasingly determine the nature of the relationship. A similar cycle goes through the psychological violence. Let me give you an example: A man experiences constant stress at work, where he cannot express his feelings, unwind, because... this will affect his career. In tension, he comes home and begins to find fault with his wife, look for reasons for discontent, and cling to her. If the wife begins to make excuses or defend herself, a scandal arises in which the man’s tension is released through insults, humiliation, slander, and jealousy. This is how the man feels his strength and power, and compensates for the negative feelings of irritation, uncertainty, and fear that he experienced at work. Then, in the couple’s relationship, phases of regret and repentance, restoration of relations and a new accumulation of tension begin. After some time, the situation of psychological violence repeats itself. A particularly sophisticated type of psychological violence is called gaslighting. Here another side of violence manifests itself - the tendency to manipulate. A cruel man, he can drive his crazypartner, turning every argument against her into a psychotherapy session. Blaming her, he puts her reactions under a microscope and appoints himself to the role of her “savior.” He may, for example, “explain” to her emotional issues that she needs to work through, or analyze the rationale behind her “mistaken” belief that he is treating her badly. He can deliberately bring his wife to a nervous breakdown, and then accuse him of emotional incontinence, inability to control her feelings, or mental illness. The purpose of gaslighting, like any violence, is to establish power over a partner, subordinating him to his complete control. With abuse, control usually covers one or more of the following areas: DISPUTES AND DECISION MAKING1. The argument can continue only as long as the man has enough patience. The discussion ends when he wants it to. The partner's opinions and feelings are not taken into account.2. If the issue is important to him, a man should get what he wants. He believes that if a woman does not back down, then she is harming him.3. A man knows what is best for her and for their relationship. If a woman does not agree with him, then she behaves stupidly. Evaluative judgments prevail over the search for truth.4. If a man feels that his arguments are weak, he threatens to take action to regain power, such as imposing economic sanctions. PERSONAL FREEDOM An abusive man often feels it is his right to control his woman: where she goes, who she associates with, what she wears, and when she should be home. Moreover, he believes that she should be grateful for any freedom that he - at his discretion - has given her. PARENTAL ROLE If a couple has children, the abusive partner tends to view himself as the parenting authority, even if his contribution to the real childcare work is negligible. He constantly interferes in the upbringing process, devalues ​​his wife’s position, because believes that by reducing her parental authority, he increases his authority in front of the children. A natural question arises: where does cruelty come from? Is it a consequence of improper upbringing, child abuse, or is the cause of cruelty hidden in the character, temperament, and biological characteristics of a person. Of course, temperament influences the formation of a person’s character. However, the form of cruelty will most likely depend on it. One can recall Judushka Golovlev, who tormented his relatives (wife, children, nieces) using strict control, which he disguised with sugary treatment. The main reason for cruelty is in attitudes and value orientation. Abusive men believe that control and power are a manifestation of masculinity. They believe that a woman should be weak, dependent and always submit to a man. Abusive people have a worldview that breeds rage. It is their value system that is unhealthy, not their psyche. The basis of this value system is disrespect for women, which is inherent in cultural traditions and the upbringing of abusive men. The main role in the education of abuse towards women belongs to the father or other significant man. The study found that men who had abusive mothers did not tend to develop particularly negative attitudes toward women, but men who had abusive fathers tended to develop them. Only a small proportion of abusive men hate women, while the vast majority show a sense of superiority and contempt for the female sex. Such men do not show their attitudes until they enter into a serious relationship with one of the women. Bancraft, a psychotherapist who specializes in male abuse, wrote: “I sometimes ask clients, “How many of you have ever felt so angry at your mother that you felt the urge to call her a bitch?” Usually half or more of the group members raise their hands. “How many of you have ever fulfilled this wish?” Hands immediately drop, men give me stunned looks, as if I asked them if they were selling.