From the author: Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. Stop complaining about life! Stop telling your friends how unhappy you are - they have enough problems of their own. It only poisons your mood and sets you in a tone of self-pity. Try to focus on the positive aspects of life. There are people whose lives are much harder than yours. There are those who live in conditions of constant danger to life, deprivation and hunger. I assure you that if you have enough food, water, you have housing and some kind of health, then this is practically all you need to be happy! Learn to rejoice in what is, and not be sad about what is not! Train to endure the blues and mental pain, do not identify yourself with this state. Act and behave as if he is not there, forget about him, do not pay attention to him, do not let him take over you. This condition is simply a chain of chemical reactions that occurs in your brain. And you have the power to control this condition. If you cry and complain, constantly think about how unhappy you are because of depression, you will only worsen your illness. After all, depression is not only the state of your body, it is also all your experiences associated with it. The disease itself is not so scary, it’s scary when you begin to suffer because of it and wrap your worries, unhappy thoughts and fears on top of it! Even a common cold with a fever goes away easier if you don’t get discouraged, don’t whine and wait for recovery. Think of depression as you would a cold. Be patient, this is just a temporary state of the brain. Things around are not so terrible, the situation is not so hopeless. The fact that everything is bad makes you think it’s an illness, don’t give in to it! Self-pity. I have not encountered self-pity in nature. Any bird, if it falls from a branch, numb from the cold, will not feel self-pity. (c) Lawrence Self-pity - victim roles. Pity - from the word “sting.” Self-pity is a type of suffering. Pity is choosing suffering instead of action. But why does a person choose to be a victim? The desire to be a victim is connected to the desire to be good. After all, when you act and defend your rights and interests, many people don’t like it. For many, you are then “bad”. And when you are a victim, you are poor, unhappy and good. No one will say that it is “bad”; they feel sorry for the victim. This is the hidden benefit of being a victim and not acting, but feeling sorry for yourself. The source of the problem is depending on others. From other people's opinions and assessments. And the fear of not living up to expectations is also the result of dependence on others. Are you obligated to meet someone's expectations? Yes, this is their internal problem - that they have expectations. And you do everything as well as you can. And if you can’t do better, it’s as objective as a birch tree cannot produce an orange fruit. Expectations give rise to claims and serve for manipulation: “We loved you, we are friends with you, we considered you good, but you didn’t do this and that, didn’t fulfill our expectations, that means you’re bad.” Why do you need people for whom you are good and loved only if you fulfill their expectations? Is this love and friendship? This is the use of a person. But look within yourself, maybe you also have the ability to rely on others, to seek and wait for approval in order to act. Self-pity is when you give up. You tell yourself - this is how I am, fate has thrown me this way, but I can’t do anything, and I feel sorry for myself! That is, you seem to be immersed in a feeling of your own powerlessness, and instead of taking responsibility for yourself in a situation and acting, you feel sorry for yourself. As if justifying to yourself and others that you are not doing anything at this moment (maybe it’s scary, or maybe it’s unusual, to yourself) - how am I going to do something, I’m so small and weak, I don’t do anything at all All that’s left is to feel sorry for yourself. Here you need to find a sense of your own strength. By feeling sorry for yourself you make yourself weak. Most often, this is not a real weakness, but a fear of acting or taking responsibility. It is your life. You have the right to make all decisions for yourself.