Bubble baths, manicures and pedicures, Saturday dinner with girlfriends, candlelight yoga, fresh juice in a Mason jar - all of this is wonderful and probably good for you and your well-being on several levels. What can I say, I will be the first to admit the love for all of the above! But all this is not what is actually fundamental self-care. Think of Yourself as a Home I think it can be very helpful to think of yourself as an imaginary home you love. When you imagine this home, I invite you to imagine several levels. Let's say three: basement, first floor and second floor. These levels represent different areas of your life. A home reflects you, your own personality and individuality. Now let's imagine, for example, that you moved into this real multi-story house. But let's also imagine that you spend all your time and energy decorating the first and second floor, painting the walls in spectacular colors and ordering exclusive furniture to decorate your space. You have no interest in exploring or spending time in the basement. Or at least find out what's going on there. Instead, you choose to focus on the nicer, more tangible things on the floors above. Now let's imagine that in the basement of your house there was a cracked and leaking foundation, problems with the water pump, some mold and maybe even a family of rats that took over there. These are some pretty big problems! But if you've never gone down to the basement to check it out and haven't invested time, energy and yes, even finances into resolving these issues, how livable will the other floors of your home be in the long run? You know so It's a good thing that all that pretty paint and furniture can't save a home that's structurally unhealthy or unsafe. Self-care is often equated with trying to look good. All the activities we take to “decorate” livable floors—manicures and pedicures, bubble baths, etc.—should actually be secondary to the work of self-care. What is really needed is to be sure that the foundation of our beloved “home” is safe, sound and strong. So what makes our foundation strong and strong? In my personal and professional opinion, the ultimate self-care is the investment we make in getting to know and support ourselves. What does true self-care look like? First and foremost self-care, in my opinion, can look like doing the sometimes difficult, often unglamorous work of learning about your personal psychological history and healing from unprocessed trauma or grief. Fundamental self-care can mean mastering the necessary in life skills you may have never learned (such as how to set and maintain personal boundaries or what healthy, functional relationships look like) so that you can create healthy, fulfilling relationships in your life. Self-care can manifest itself as investing in developing a career path that truly suits and fulfills you, and investing time, energy and even finances in achieving it. Fundamental care can look like protecting yourself from toxic, painful relationships in your life. Self-care can manifest itself in: You don't tolerate disrespect, you don't bend over backwards to make others more comfortable, but instead show up as the real you and demand that you be treated with respect and dignity. It's an acceptance of the reality that romantic relationships are fading, there are professional setbacks at work, and blood pressure levels are pressures are often elevated. At the end of the day, it's about making difficult decisions about what needs to be done or changed in order to live a fulfilling life. When we take care of ourselves at this level, we are clearing out the basement, repairing the foundation, and working on structural issues. This supports our home and provides!