From the author: In this short article I tried to talk about the features of my work with clients. Why do you need a psychologist? “Ghosts of the past are an inherited influence or influence of the psyche, partly conscious, partly unconscious - a consequence of the silent assimilation of attitudes and styles of behavior. No influence on a person can be more intrusive or predetermining than that which is not conscious." James HollisIn my opinion, a good training program for training psychotherapists is a program in which personal therapy is mandatory for everyone who is certified. In personal therapy, program students get to know themselves through their client experience, and their difficult places in relationships with other people. I call this “preening their feathers” before working with clients. When a client turns to a psychologist/psychotherapist for help, a lot of attention is paid to his way of building relationships and being in them. And equally important is what kind of relationship a person builds with himself. So, what happens in a psychologist’s office and what is the work of a psychologist? In childhood, we all learn a certain way of relationships inherent in this particular family system. Children are flexible, sensitive, have good creative adaptation and therefore integrate and adapt to any family situation and role assigned to them in the family system, no matter how pathological it may be. The child’s creative adaptation works very well, children have incredible vitality and the ability to adapt . They adapt to the family situation, to parental requirements, family traditions, values, attitudes. Unfortunately, with age, flexibility and the ability to creatively adapt to different circumstances and different relationships are lost. sensitivity is dulled and only one way known to a person to build relationships and be in them, learned from childhood, is consolidated. The child learns, absorbs the framework and attitudes of the family in which he grew up and further in life he is placed only within these frameworks and attitudes, sometimes so so tough that it is difficult for him to breathe deeply and enjoy life in them. “Moral principles and attitudes can go against, ignore and stop spiritual impulses, or force us to live lives that are not our own, as if we were programmed to harm ourselves,” writes Jungian analyst James Hollis. Growing up children go out into the big world and stumble upon different laws and demands, and not just those to which he was accustomed and managed to adapt in his family system. What saved and helped to receive love and care in the parental family almost does not work with others. Metaphorically, we can say that a “certain gait” is fixed with which we walk everywhere. And in different life situations, a different “gait” is appropriate. But it is impossible to change this by force of will or control it, since we are driven and have power over us by unconscious material. When a client comes to see a psychologist for an appointment, he demonstrates this “gait” without knowing it, since he begins to build the same relationship with the psychotherapist as he had in his family. We all do the same with other people. The task of a psychotherapist in working with clients is to recognize those difficulties, those failures in relationships that prevent a person from living a more pleasant life for him and being happier. That is, to detect a hardened form of "gait and