Often parents perceive their child and even a teenager as an extension of themselves (my son/daughter will not let me down!), and often as a part of themselves (my little blood), as someone who belongs to your parents (you are MINE!), as someone who is like them or not like them, (and who you were born to be like!), as someone who lives up to expectations or does not live up to expectations (when will you start doing as you are told! ), as someone who either becomes what his parents want to see, or stubbornly resists this (my parents wanted me to become a good person, but I remained good)). Such a parental position, like blind love, does not allow one to see in the child of ANOTHER person, probably extremely different from them. No matter how true these views may seem, they are often the cause of frequent, prolonged conflicts between parents and children, especially in adolescence. The communication “techniques” described below are in fact just the fruit of observations of effective human communication, during which the position of the Other person, even a different one, is respected, heard, perceived as something significant. “I-Message” technique. “I-message” is the basis for building psychologically close relationships. When using "I messages" the dialogue will look something like this: - I feel that... - I'm sure that sometimes... - I'm excited because... - I'm anxious in due to the fact that...By constructing your speech in this way, it is easier to access your feelings. When a person says “I’m angry” rather than “You made me angry,” this may mean the following: “Yes, I’m angry. And I am able to do something with my own anger, to take responsibility for the emergence of this feeling. Because I don't think you have a button that you're pushing to make me angry and I don't think you're doing it out of spite." You might argue that all kids do is push buttons. teacher or parental irritation, anger, emotional imbalance, etc. Then the question arises - who controls whom? And who is really responsible for the emergence of certain of your feelings? The most effective way to master your own emotions is to talk about them in the form of an “I-message”. In addition, “I-messages” do not pose a threat to the psychological territory of another person. And therefore the latter does not have the need to defend himself. Compare two phrases: “You again gave me a headache with your antics” Or: “When you behave like this (explain how), I start to get nervous.” As a result, my head starts to hurt. The first phrase is “You are a message.” It causes a feeling of guilt and a desire to justify or defend oneself. Of course, if you use the “I-message”, there is a possibility of hearing in response: “These are your problems” or “What does this have to do with me?” If you don’t “play the unapproachable teacher,” this can be the beginning of a dialogue. In addition, the “You-message” usually contains reproach and dissatisfaction, which is perceived as a hidden or open attack. A natural reaction, embedded in the depths of the unconscious, is aggression. If you hear such a statement addressed to you, a feeling of anger involuntarily arises, even if you are wrong, or even a desire to do “evil.” The circle is closed. This is easy to check by imagining yourself in the place of a teenager or child, and addressing yourself at least part of the angry messages about untidy pastels, unwashed dishes, or homework. “Active Listening” Technique Unfortunately, very often people are sure that everything is clear to them in a communication situation with a partner, even if they did not ask him what he thinks or feels. The so-called mechanism of attributing to another person your thoughts and feelings, your own vision of the situation and its understanding is triggered. This happens much more often in interactions with children than in interactions with adults. And the only way to understand your young interlocutor is to ask him about his thoughts, feelings, and emotions.?"