Pop psychology gurus teaching “how to get married,” “get married easily,” “marry rich,” stervology, etc. introduce into the minds of women the idea that having negative emotions and expressing them is, at a minimum, unwise, and even sometimes harmful. You especially should not express negative emotions to your husband or the man with whom you are in a relationship. They say that men, not being able to help (how can you help an angry or sad lady?) and experiencing an acute feeling of helplessness (not the most pleasant feeling for a man), will hasten to retreat from the situation, and if such situations are repeated, then from the relationship “Discuss all the negativity with your friends, not with men,” the gurus advise. Not bad advice. But the question arises: what about living with friends too? After all, relationships or living together in a couple occur not only against the background of a cloudless, carefree or other exclusively positive emotional state of the partners. Relationships in a couple fall under the thunder of anger, the rain of sadness, the thorns of irritation, because the partners - not angels and living people who sometimes want to bite :-) A real relationship (and this is probably the criterion for the truth of a relationship) is trust in each other, intimacy, community, the opportunity to share all the good things that happen in life, and not so good good - with the Other. The opportunity not to conceal both joy and pain, both success and disappointment, the opportunity to trust, that is, to entrust yourself to a partner with all your feelings, without masks and “Hollywood smiles” when you want to cry. Let's listen - With what meanings and intonations is it said to a girl, girl, woman: “You are too emotional...”? What is behind these words? Try it, say it out loud, listen. You correctly heard condemnation and reproach in this phrase. The hidden message of this phrase: “You are inconvenient... You are inconvenient with your emotions... You are in the way... You are always...”, etc. These words could be spoken by our mothers and fathers, grandmothers or grandfathers, they can was to hear from a teacher at school, a coach in a section, or another significant Adult for us. They might not be pronounced at all, but they could be expressed in hostility, detachment, refusal of contact, which right now (right then!) - in a situation when the soul was overwhelmed by pain, resentment, anger, sadness, disappointment - was so needed. Such implicit messages from adults form in a girl or woman a fear of experiencing and showing negative emotions, a fear of being “bad,” a fear of rejection, rejection if her feelings are not positively colored. This is how “good” girls grow up who are horrified at the thought that they can be angry, irritated, angry, disgusted. And they suppress, suppress, suppress their emotions. To be good. To be comfortable. Regarding positive emotions (interest, joy), there seem to be no such prohibitions, but here (according to “smart” adults) moderation is important. Irrepressible joy, genuine interest, and this is precisely the joy and interest in a child, causes approximately the same reaction of rejection in adults who are not entirely mentally healthy: “Yes, joyfully... Yes, interesting... Normal... Well, come on, calm down already. ..”And some girls who are not very lucky with their adults grow up with a total ban on expressing any emotions at all, and especially negative ones. At the same time, you cannot forbid yourself to experience negative emotions and allow yourself to experience positive ones. We have one soul! And by forbidding her to feel, for example, anger or disgust, women, without meaning to, stop feeling love, joy, and interest. That is, the internal prohibition on experiencing (we’re not even talking about expressing!) negative emotions leads to the fact that a woman stops feeling anything at all. In addition to the fact that each negative emotion performs a specific function in the psyche (we’ll talk about this separately) , emotions by their appearance tell us that we are in contact with something important in ourselves and the world around us, that something significant for us is happening, that.