Oh, it hurts, to be honest. I subscribe to one group and there girls regularly write: “I really want to call him myself. Is that possible?” Or “I really want to have sex with him, but it was only the second date. They say a man will lose interest immediately after sex. Or is it still possible?” And they write about two types of comments under such posts: 1) I did it, it’s okay, it’s possible 2) No, don’t do it, it’s wrong Rarely does anyone write the third option: 3 ) I did this and he really lost interest. If you simply analyze the answers in such surveys, the general pattern becomes clear: There is no direct correlation between a woman’s initiative and a man’s loss of interest. Sometimes a man loses interest for some reason. It is possible that there are those who are repelled by women’s initiative. But even if your counterpart belongs to the last category, and you want to be proactive, doesn’t this simply mean that you are not suitable for each other? I am for everyone allowing themselves to have their own characteristics. People are different by nature, we different temperaments and different patterns in relationships. There is no problem in a woman showing her feelings and desires, and even taking the first steps in a relationship. Unless, of course, this is a manifestation of her dependence and excessive need for a partner (to pin her problems on him, for example). If this is sympathy and a desire to get closer, then why should a woman stop herself these days? Now I’m going to say something generally unpopular, but in my experience, in order to build a harmonious relationship, there must be honesty and sincerity in it. A certain degree of playfulness is also good in the early stages and ignites passion. But most books and trainings teach us to manipulate, to appear rather than to be, to pretend and act according to some schemes. And I am for acting spontaneously and sincerely, simply demonstrating the feelings that you experience. This is often scary, because our feelings risk being rejected. But the stakes are also high - if we meet reciprocity, we will get a happy love, where we don’t have to play games and pretend, where we can be ourselves. You want to be yourself in a relationship, right? So why not start from the very first moment we met? Now let’s think about where these myths come from. I don’t know for sure, but I can assume that the roots go back to the patriarchal structure of our society. Let’s remember Jane Austen’s novel “Sense and Sensibility” ", or it is also translated as "Reason and Feelings". There are two sisters, the older and the younger. The eldest holds back her feelings and pretends to be indifferent to her lover. As a result, he thinks that he is not welcome and leaves for a long time. The youngest does not hide her feelings for the man she likes, and they quickly fall in love with each other. Then, it’s true, the younger sister’s chosen one chooses a rich bride against his own heart, and the older one’s lover, on the contrary, plucks up courage and proposes to her (though only after he sees her showing great interest in him). The younger sister decides to learn from the older one about restraint and rationality. and eventually marries a caring colonel, 20 years older than her, for whom she had no passion from the very beginning. What does the novel teach us? Probably, prudence and restraint, the key to a successful marriage. Just one caveat - this worked at the beginning of the 19th century, when even a kiss before marriage was considered unacceptable, and in general, marriages were not concluded for love, but primarily for financial and social security. Now, when we look more and more freely at civil marriages and We understand that people are not obliged to bind themselves with vows until their death; in the world of relationships, everything has changed very much. And if earlier in the Western world women had to be guided by reason and restrain their feelings, since they were the ones who lost status when they lost their virginity before marriage, now , thanks to feminists, these rules are not needed. However, having lost at least some rules, many women feel lost and?