From the author: The article was published on my blog “Thinking errors or conversations for awareness.” Looking through many articles on practical psychology, I came across various kinds of offers to work with psychologists, work in groups, work on courses and trainings. And all of them are mainly aimed at satisfying our desires, i.e. “I want”: “I want to become happy”, “I want to become successful”, “I want to become confident”, etc. Of course, this is a necessary condition, but not a sufficient one. If we really want to get a result, then it is reasonable to decide on the motive, i.e. "For what?". Sketch: - Why do you want to become confident in yourself? - Well, why? To achieve everything I want. - How do you feel when you don’t achieve everything you want? - I feel dissatisfaction, constant tension. So what actually pushes us to look for a specialist? Tension, tension, tension in which we find ourselves almost constantly. Some events happen in our lives that cause tension in us: something didn’t turn out the way we planned, someone raised their voice at us, someone didn’t keep a promise, etc. If tension accumulates and we do not get a release, then stress is inevitable. And the first, natural, but not always conscious desire when contacting a specialist is to relieve tension. I wonder why we need tension at all? Let's imagine a space in which there are some objects, let's say balls. If pressure is not applied to these balls, they will remain motionless. Well, in order for the balls to move, pressure must be applied to them. In other words, they need to be pushed to get them moving. There is pressure - the balls move, there is no pressure - the balls are in a calm, motionless state. Now imagine that the space in which the balls are located is our world. If we could feel ourselves as space in space, then there would be no pressure, no collision, no tension, there would be interpenetration, a feeling of unity with the whole world. But since we experience ourselves as objects, i.e. balls in this space (personalities, individualities), we feel pressure, collision and tension when in contact with other objects. If the surrounding world (other objects) does not exert pressure on us, then we, like balls, are in a calm, motionless state, essentially in a sleeping state. Then, from the point of view of the world (space), human relationships look like objects knocking against each other, pushing each other. After all, relationships are always interaction, contact. If there is no contact, there is no relationship. When you are “pressured” (addressed to you), how do you feel? Of course there is tension. And the result of various pressures coming from the outside (the people around us, various information) will be tension. To feel the truth of these words, ask someone to gently push you and you will feel how your body tenses. Or ask someone to say an offensive word, and you will again feel the tension. In principle, even any word addressed to you will cause tension, because we need to strain our attention in order to hear what they are saying to us or what they want from us. Any of our actions occur thanks to this pressure through tension: they pressed on us, we moved (rolled like balls or showed resistance). If they don’t kick us, we won’t fly? It turns out that we simply need tension so that we can take some action. What can be pressure for us that causes strong unpleasant tension? For example, infringement of our interests: we want something, but they don’t give it to us, they prohibit it, they impose their interests. Will there be tension? Yes. Or the injustice of others, because we have an idea of ​​“how it should be.” When someone treats you unfairly, do you feel an unpleasant tension? Or.